DAILY CHUCKLE 8-219

"Let's all be careful out there!"

"THAT WRINKLY WHITE-HAIRED GUY"

PARIS HILTON RESPONDS TO McCAIN


Funny, but sorry Paris. You have to be at least 35 years old to be President. And, with the aid of the worlds best plastic surgeons, you won't reach that age for another 40 or 50 years. I am amazed though that she sounded even more eloquent that either candidate. And her idea makes sense. Now if she could just do something about her bladder control problem while in cabs. Of course it could be worse. At least she doesn't shit on people like Dubya does. And when she gets on her knees to apologize for America's sins against the world, you know there's going to be a line around the block waiting to accept the gesture. And if we video and sell it on the web, we could balance the budget.

This is McCain's latest TV spot promo:

Strange, back in January he was telling us how much better off America was then than 8 years ago. Now he telling us that we are worse off now than 4 years ago and America is broken. I guess his witch doctors changed his meds. Poor wrinkly, white-haired guy.

Ted Stevens, the Republican Senator from Alaska who wanted to build a "bridge-to-nowhere" and in now under indictment for accepting (non-reported) gifts from oil companies, is up for reelection this year. That explains why he joins 5 other Senators in skipping this cycle's GOP convention. Oh, rumors are that "dead-eye" Dick Cheney won't be attending either. Ever get the feeling that his undisclosed secured retreat is the VIP lounge at Gitmo, where he gets his rocks off watching the interrogations "live"?

The water that was discovered on Mars last week might be like a watering hole in Death Valley. You know, the ones with the cattle skulls littered ominiously around the rim. Turns out that it was chuck full of "percolate". A salt mineral that most species would find poisonous here on Earth. But we already know from terrestrial observations that life here seems to adapt to that type of glitch. At least on the microbial level.



Back on August 28, 1859, a solar superstorm occurred that disrupted telegraphs and allowed the auras to be seen as far south as the tip of Florida. If that happened today, we would all revert back to that age's level of technology in a matter of seconds. It would probably fry your car's electronics. Wipeout satellites, disrupt electrical service globally. Only those few military installations and equipment with emp protection would continue to function. And have no one to communicate with other than each other. We have really bad solar storms every 50 years or so and "super solar storms" every 500 years. We are entering that time cycle again.

You might not be a drug user but there is a good chance those bills in your wallet might have been handled in the drug trade.

TSA will now allow you to leave your laptop in its carrycase, if said case is one approved by that agency. Probably did this so its easier for them to handle the laptops they confiscate.

At the end of this story they list the criminal charges pending against the lanlord. What he probably doesn't realize is that these folks have a really great civil case at their finger tips also. Like good enough that they'll own most of what the landlord has. But considering this idiots anger management issues, he'll probably just have them killed.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - OBJECTS IN SPACE (episode 14) final episode

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

AUGUST 5TH

***

Today is Tuesday, August 5, the 218th day of 2008.
There are 148 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:
On August 5, 1858, the first trans-Atlantic telegraph cable, the dreamchild of American businessman Cyrus Field, was laid between Newfoundland and Ireland. (However, after several weeks of use, the cable burned out.)
On this date:

• In 1864, during the Civil War, Union Adm. David G. Farragut led his fleet to victory in the Battle of Mobile Bay, Ala.
• In 1884, the cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty's pedestal was laid on Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor.
• In 1914, one of the first, if not the first, electric traffic light systems was installed in Cleveland, Ohio, at the intersection of 105th Street and Euclid Avenue.
• In 1924, the comic strip "Little Orphan Annie," by Harold Gray, made its debut.
• In 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt established the National Labor Board, which was later replaced with the National Labor Relations Board.
• In 1953, Operation Big Switch began as prisoners taken during the Korean conflict were exchanged at Panmunjom.
• In 1962, actress Marilyn Monroe, 36, was found dead in her Los Angeles home; her death was ruled a probable suicide from an overdose of sleeping pills.
• In 1963, the United States, Britain and the Soviet Union signed a treaty in Moscow banning nuclear tests in the atmosphere, in space and underwater.
• In 1968, the Republican national convention convened in Miami Beach.
• In 1981, the federal government began firing air traffic controllers who had gone out on strike.

Ten years ago:

• Iraqi President Saddam Hussein broke off cooperation with U.N. weapons inspectors and demanded the commission monitoring the weapons be reorganized.
• Marie Noe of Philadelphia was arrested and charged with first-degree murder, accused of smothering eight of her children to death between 1949 and 1968. (Noe later received 20 years' probation.)

Five years ago:

• Episcopal leaders in Minneapolis voted to approve the election of the Rev. V. Gene Robinson, an openly gay clergyman, as bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire.
• A car bombing at the Marriott hotel in Jakarta, Indonesia, killed 12 people.

One year ago:

• President Bush and Afghan President Hamid Karzai began meeting at Camp David to discuss security issues in Afghanistan.
• Lorena Ochoa won the Women's British Open — the first women's professional tournament played at venerable St. Andrews — for her first major title.
• Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustiger, one of the most influential Roman Catholic figures in France, died in Paris at age 80.
• Comedian Stanley Myron Handelman died in Panorama City, Calif., at age 77.

Today's Birthdays:

• Former astronaut Neil A. Armstrong is 78.
• Country singer Vern Gosdin is 74.
• Actress Cammie King ("Gone with the Wind") is 74.
• Actor John Saxon is 73.
• Actor Zakes Mokae is 73.
• Country songwriter Bobby Braddock is 68.
• Rock musician Rick Huxley (The Dave Clark Five) is 66.
• Actress Loni Anderson is 62.
• Actress Erika Slezak is 62.
• Rock singer Rick Derringer is 61.
• Actress Holly Palance is 58.
• Singer Samantha Sang is 55.
• Actress-singer Maureen McCormick is 52.
• Rock musician Pat Smear is 49.
• Actress Tawney Kitaen is 47.
• Country musician Mark O'Connor is 47.
• Rapper MCA (The Beastie Boys) is 44.
• Actor Jonathan Silverman is 42.
• Country singer Terri Clark is 40.
• Actor Brendon Ryan Barrett is 22.

Thought for Today:

"I slept, and dreamed that life was Beauty; I woke, and found that life was Duty."
Ellen Sturgis Hooper, American poet (1816-1841).

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-218

"Let's all be careful out there!"

McCAIN'S DEMOGRAPHIC

IS FINALLY IDENTIFIED


Associated story
And if for some reason you've never heard of Sturgis.

Now if I am reading this correctly, our choice is between a stick-in-the-mud or a willow-wisp.
I guess it really doesn't matter much either way. Anything will be an improvement over the pothole we've endured the last, almost, 8 years.

Why is it that I envision a pay toilet paper dispenser in the airline industry's immediate future?
Or maybe the movie will be like an adult book store's video arcade. So much viewing time for each quarter inserted.

And if you didn't already believe that the basic infrastructure of America isn't unraveling faster than a Wal-Mart sweater. Even the various segments of the infrastructure are going nose-to-nose against each other.



$14 frakking million for pics of two kids with semi-famous, quasi-celebrity parents? Okay Lord, we await the trump and shout. Eagerly await. You there Lord? Hello!? What do you mean his copy of People hasn't arrived yet. So much for the all seeing, all knowing bull-shit.



No problem. Steal a pickup truck. Do a little cruisin'. Have the stolen vehicle car-jacked from you. Wait! What? How'd that one get on the agenda?

Have a great day everyone. Thanks for visiting.

"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - HEART OF GOLD (episode 13)

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

AUGUST 4TH

***

Today is Monday, August 4, the 217th day of 2008.
There are 149 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:

• On August 4, 1944, Nazi police raided the secret annex of a building in Amsterdam and arrested eight people, including 15-year-old Anne Frank, whose diary became a famous account of the Holocaust. (Anne died at the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp some seven months later.)

On this date:

• In 1735, a jury acquitted John Peter Zenger of the New York Weekly Journal of seditious libel.
• In 1790, the Coast Guard had its beginnings as the Revenue Cutter Service.
• In 1792, English romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley was born at Field Place near Horsham, England.
• In 1830, plans for the city of Chicago were laid out.
• In 1892, Andrew and Abby Borden were axed to death in their home in Fall River, Mass. Lizzie Borden, Andrew's daughter from a previous marriage, was accused of the killings, but acquitted at trial.
• In 1900, Britain's Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, was born.
• In 1916, the United States reached agreement with Denmark to purchase the Danish Virgin Islands for $25 million.
• In 1964, the bodies of missing civil rights workers Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney were found buried in an earthen dam in Mississippi.
• In 1977, President Carter signed a measure establishing the Department of Energy.
• In 1987, the Federal Communications Commission voted to abolish the Fairness Doctrine, which required radio and television stations to present balanced coverage of controversial issues.

Ten years ago:

• Turning aside an urgent White House appeal, Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist cleared the way for prosecutors to question White House lawyers about their advice to President Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky case.
• The Dow Jones industrial average plunged 299.43 points, finishing at 8,487.31.

Five years ago:

• California Gov. Gray Davis asked the state Supreme Court to delay his Oct. 7 recall election until the following March (the recall went ahead as originally scheduled).
• West African forces arrived in Liberia to oversee the departure of President Charles Taylor.
• Chung Mong-hun, a top executive of South Korea's Hyundai conglomerate embroiled in a scandal over a historic 2000 summit between the two Koreas, committed suicide.

One year ago:

• President Bush toured the site of a collapsed highway bridge in Minneapolis, pledging to cut red tape that could delay rebuilding.
• Three students, Iofemi Hightower, Terrance Aeriel and Dashon Harvey, were shot to death execution-style in Newark, N.J.
• Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's 755 career home runs as his San Francisco Giants lost 3-2 to the San Diego Padres.
• Alex Rodriguez became, at age 32, the youngest player in major league history to hit 500 home runs with a first-inning homer in a 16-8 victory over Kansas City.

Today's Birthdays:

• Journalist Helen Thomas is 88.
• Singer Frankie Ford is 69.
• Actress-singer Tina Cole is 65.
• Actor-comedian Richard Belzer is 64.
• Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is 53.
• Actor-screenwriter Billy Bob Thornton is 53.
• Actress Kym Karath ("The Sound of Music") is 50.
• Track star Mary Decker Slaney is 50.
• Actress Lauren Tom is 49.
• Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., is 47.
• TV producer Michael Gelman ("Live with Regis and Kelly") is 47.
• Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens is 46.
• Actress Crystal Chappell is 43.
• Author Dennis Lehane is 43.
• Rock musician Rob Cieka (Boo Radleys) is 40.
• Actor Daniel Dae Kim is 40.
• Actor Michael DeLuise is 39.
• Actor Ron Lester is 38.
• Rapper-actress Yo-Yo is 37.
• Country singer Jon Nicholson is 35.
• Actor Andy Hallett is 33.
• Rhythm-and-blues singer-actor Marques Houston is 27.
• Actors Cole and Dylan Sprouse are 16.

Thought for Today:

"Poetry is the record of the best and happiest moments of the happiest and best minds."
Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822).

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-217

"Let's all be careful out there!"

SCHOOLS HAVE AN ATTITUDE

OF DISCOURAGEMENT



Another LLDE candidate and this time its a woman. Thats the nice thing about stupidity. Its equal opportunity.

Many people fail to take into account that British Colonialism is what made the world as we know it today. And that is a positive statement.



School life 120 plus years ago in the west, specifically Billings MT, was sure different than what they have today.

Some criminals just have no luck. No luck at all.

Especially if you are living along the border between Canada and the US, the term "pleasure boating" has become a complete misnomer.

Baroness Margaret Thatcher, 82, is in ill health.but is still kickin'. So finding out that her staff, Prime Minister Gordon Brown's staff and the Queen's staff are planning a State funeral for her must be disconcerting. To quote Mark Twain, "Rumors of my demise are highly exaggerated."

North Korea to expel South Koreans from tourist resort. In other news, North Korea has a tourist resort!?!

Following this line of logic, Tom Clancy and Clive Cussler had best be careful about what they write in their next books. Hmmm. Didn't Clancy have a story about a terrorist who hijacked a plane and crashed it into the US Capitol Building? Also detonating a WMD in Denver, a national biological attack and terrorists trying to kill the First Family. Maybe we should ask him to our resort down in south Cuba.

Give me a break! Does anyone really care what type of shoes a candidate wears? When this is the best the media can produce, you know its slow around the newsroom assignment desk.

Does anyone else get the feeling that British lawmakers really don't like their citizens? Of course, after reading the British cop-blogs, I doubt if anyone would ever be prosecuted. And if they were, then that police department is overstaffed. This would have to be a low priority call.

And speaking of trashcans.

Did you know that the last ice age, circa 11,000bce, happened in less than a year?

The "Kevin Bacon" theory is proven, according to MicroSoft. Studies of text messages show everyone within 6.6 degrees of each other. Those who don't text are ordered, er, requested to report to the Soylent Food Processing Center.

Even the "rich" are feeling the pain of this down economy.

NYPD is the best PD that money can buy:


Have a great week. Its Monday and the "rat race" begins anew.

"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - THE MESSAGE (episode 12_

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

AUGUST 3RD

***

Today is Sunday, August 3, the 216th day of 2008.
There are 150 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:

• On August 3, 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine USS Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater.

On this date:

• In 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present-day Americas.
• In 1807, former Vice President Aaron Burr went on trial before a federal court in Richmond, Va., charged with treason. (He was acquitted less than a month later.)
• In 1914, Germany declared war on France at the onset of World War I.
• In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th president of the United States, following the death of Warren G. Harding.
• In 1943, Gen. George S. Patton slapped a private at an army hospital in Sicily, accusing him of cowardice. (Patton was later ordered by Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower to apologize for this and a second, similar episode.)
• In 1948, former Communist Whittaker Chambers, testifying before the House Un-American Activities Committee, accused former State Department official Alger Hiss of having been part of a Communist cell, a charge Hiss denied.
• In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed as a merger of the Basketball Association of America and the National Basketball League.
• In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States.
• In 1981, U.S. air traffic controllers went on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired, which they were.
• In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane near Moscow's Red Square in May 1987.

Ten years ago:

• The White House played down the possibility that President Clinton would reverse previous statements and admit to a sexual relationship with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky when he testified before a grand jury.

Five years ago:

• The Episcopal Church's House of Deputies further paved the way for the Rev. V. Gene Robinson to become the church's first openly gay elected bishop, approving him on a 128-63 vote.
• Annika Sorenstam completed a career Grand Slam at the Women's British Open, beating Se Ri Pak by a stroke in a thrilling head-to-head showdown.
• Hank Stram, Marcus Allen, James Lofton, Elvin Bethea and Joe DeLamielleure were inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

One year ago:

• A jury at Camp Pendleton, Calif., sentenced Marine Sgt. Lawrence G. Hutchins III to 15 years in prison for the murder of an Iraqi civilian during a fruitless search for an insurgent.
• Iraqis welcomed home their soccer team, which had won the Asian Cup.

Today's Birthdays:

• Author P.D. James is 88.
• Broadway composer Richard Adler is 87.
• Singer Gordon Stoker (The Jordanaires) is 84.
• Singer Tony Bennett is 82.
• Actor Martin Sheen is 68.
• Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart is 67.
• Singer Beverly Lee (The Shirelles) is 67.
• Rock musician B.B. Dickerson is 59.
• Movie director John Landis is 58.
• Actress JoMarie Payton is 58.
• Actor Jay North ("Dennis the Menace") is 57.
• Country musician Randy Scruggs is 55.
• Actor John C. McGinley is 49.
  
• Rock singer-musician Lee Rocker (The Stray Cats) is 47.
• Rock singer James Hetfield (Metallica) is 45.
• Rock singer-musician Ed Roland (Collective Soul) is 45.
• Actor Isaiah Washington is 45.
• Country musician Dean Sams (Lonestar) is 42.
• Rock musician Stephen Carpenter (Deftones) is 38.
• Hip-hop artist Spinderella (Salt-N-Pepa) is 37.
• Actress Brigid Brannagh is 36.
• Actress Evangeline (ee-VAN'-gel-een) Lilly is 29.
• Singer Holly Arnstein (Dream) is 23.

Thought for Today:

"The soul of a civilization is its religion, and it dies with its faith."
Will (1885-1981) and Ariel Durant (1898-1981), American historians.

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-216

"Let's all be careful out there!"

REVEILLE

The official rules of the Bejing Olympics are out. No, not the rules of the games. The rules that China plans on enforcing on the visitors to their country.

Maybe the Brits better stay home.

Which causes other problems.

And probably gives reason to new British police tactics.

The Chinese are also releasing their own version of the fashion police.

First it was British Columbia. Now a foot has washed up on a Lake Huron beach in Michigan. Is this a new trend?

I think I would have been tipped off by the car he was driving. Few cops could afford that.

A liquid lake has been found on Titan, Saturn's moon.

Scientists now have a working simulation that seems to explain how the earliest proto-stars were formed at the beginning of time.

Enjoy your Sunday and thanks for the visit.

"Let's all be careful out there!"