OPENING SOON...

AT A HARBOR NEAR ME

Beach Bums Bar & Grill will be opening very soon in Ma'alaea. It is going into the old Blue Marlin location at the Ma'alaea Shops. Had the owners in the cab last night. We exchanged cards. I hope it is popular, that'll get us some nice runs to just about everywhere on the island.

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Want to win a free trip to Mau'i?

Maui: how bad do you want it?

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Some interesting statistics. That is, if you like statistics. Scroll down a bit for the article. Poorly designed site.

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What if everything, I mean our entire universe, is just some 6th graders science project in an alternate universe? To be discarded at the end of the school year. Or worse, an ant farm on some bedroom shelf.

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8 fares / 59 miles / 3rd quarter below $100 bracket

To those that this applies to:

What did you give up for Lent?

Have a really fantastic day. Try to make it by tomorrow. Its Thursday "fight night" at the "Triangle". Always good for at least one story. Which is more than I could dig up for today.

Mahalo

Aloha

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THE PICTURE GALLERY

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Over The Limit?
UNDER ARREST!
Please don't drink and drive

"Let's all be careful out there!"

THE RUMOR IS...

WE MIGHT BE BUSY NEXT WEEK

<== This is Jack-in-the-Box (a regional fast food "choke & puke") when it is open.
<== Here it is closed.



How hard is it to figure out when your exterior lights are supposed to be on? Everytime I go through, I tell the shift manager that not only are the exterior lights off but so is the menu board. It hasn't done one bit of good. Feces occurs.

***

The first 3 runs I had were of my own making (and luck). The radio was dead for Wailea calls, where I was stuck. 8:30 PM a lady walks up to me at The Shops and asks to be taken next door to a resort. Only $4.40 but it broke the ice for the night and she gave me $10 and "keep the change".

As soon as 9:00 PM arrived, I moved into Kihei, where I knew there had to be some people at the "Triangle". By 9:16 PM I had another shorty "flag", a regular going home. Then my cell rang and it was one of my regulars needing a ride home from work, at a Wailea resort, to Maui Meadows, a sub-division located just east of the Wailea/Kihei demarcation line. Then The Fates smiled on me and had another fare waiting just 2 streets away. My fisrt "radio" call. A roundtrip to a convenience store about 2 miles away.

Then it died. CSI: dead.

I had one bar-rush and then the same folks on my only bar-close.

The dog-watch brought a nice surprise. Some folks at MMMC (hospital) needing to get back to their Wailea resort. I had almost taken them to MMMC, earlier, but was canceled when the resort security decided an ambulance would be more practical. When I picked them up she was walking as if she were a hand puppet being performed. I asked where they were from, he responded and the conversation died right there. The resort paid for the cab.

8 fares / 90 miles / 1st quarter $100 bracket

It rained yesterday. I didn't realize that until I opened my door to head for work. No wind nor downpours, just a nice soft steady rain. Of course that does explain why I was pretty well crippled up in muscular and skeletal pain until almost 9:00 PM. When the rain stopped.

A friend of mine, who manages one of the 4 restauants at The Shops, told me that their bookings for next week are doubled. That means that either the visitor count will be going up or there are some free-spending "groups" showing up. Hope some of that spills over to us. We could sure use it.

I am off to bed, still "achy sore" all over. Everyone have a fantastic day. Hope to see you tomorrow.

Mahalo

Aloha

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THE PICTURE GALLERY

***

Over The Limit?
UNDER ARREST!
Please don't drink and drive

"Let's all be careful out there!"

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

GOOD FOR ANOTHER YEAR

Well, here is my new Taxicab Driver's Permit:
And this is the blowup of the ID photo. Getting uglier by the year

***

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have 'rough sex'."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

***

Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida to attend their granddaughter's graduation from medical school. Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of their sons in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the medicine cabinet. He asked his son about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "Around $10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and we'll be leaving early in the morning, so I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He immediately called Grandpa on his cell phone and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma"

***

Another "day" of work, tonight. Talked to some of the day-drivers and they are complaining about the drop in business also.

Hope to see you tomorrow,

Mahalo

Aloha

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THE PICTURE GALLERY

***

Over The Limit?
UNDER ARREST!
Please don't drink and drive

"Let's all be careful out there!"

MONDAY EDITION

THE OL' E-MAILBAG

MAHALO, MIKE!

My regular reader, Mike Weldon, sent these pics from a past visit to Mau'i:

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There is a factory in Kansas which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena, surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday."

"Your job is to give Elmo 'two test tickles'."

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THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

The "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth & he takes his life in his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a drivers license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker, or "significant other".

DANGEROUS:

What's for dinner?

SAFER:

Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST:

Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRA SAFE:

Here, have some more wine.

DANGEROUS:

Are you wearing that?

SAFER:

WOW, you sure look good in brown!

SAFEST:

WOW! Look at you!

ULTRA SAFE:

Here, have some more wine.

DANGEROUS:

What are you so worked up about?

SAFER:

Could we be overreactting?

SAFEST:

Heres my paycheck.

ULTRA SAFE:

Here, have some more wine.

DANGEROUS:

Should you be eating that?

SAFER:

You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST:

Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?

ULTRA SAFE:

Here, have some more wine.

DANGEROUS:

What did you do all day?

SAFER:

I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST:

I've always loved you in that outfit!

ULTRA SAFE:

Here, have some more wine.

+++

12 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:

• PASS MY SHOTGUN
• PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
• PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
• PUFFY MID-DRIFF
• PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
• PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
• PARDON MY SOBBING
• PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
• PASS MY SWEATS
• PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
• PACK MY STUFF
• POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

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They'll be some more tomorrow. Off to Kahului, across the island, later today to renew my taxi license.

Have a great week, everybody. Hope to see you tomorrow.

Mahalo

Aloha

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THE PICTURE GALLERY

***

Over The Limit?
UNDER ARREST!
Please don't drink and drive

"Let's all be careful out there!"

I GAVE IT THE OL' COLLEGE TRY

WHAT CAN I SAY?

Jolted out of sleep, around noon, with a major lower GI problem. It never got better. Made it in to work and, after one small fare in Wailea, I had to go back home. It was 8:30 PM, I told dispatch that I would be back out about 1:00 AM to help with bar-close and cover the graveyard shift. I was functioning but not really functional. About 1:30 AM I am sent up to Ma'alaea for a run back to Kihei

Thats a good one!

When I made the pick-up, I found out that it was actually a round trip.

Thats double good!!

Had two more in-town fares in the 3 o'clock hour. Turned over the phone and reservation sheet to the day-shift and was home by 4:30 AM. Feeling like I had been ridden hard and put away wet.

So, considering relativity, I actually had a good night.

4 fares / 71 miles / 4th quarter below $100 bracket

Some interesting items in the ol' e-mail bag this week. And everybody have a good one!

Mahalo

Aloha

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THE PICTURE GALLERY

***

Over The Limit?
UNDER ARREST!
Please don't drink and drive

"Let's all be careful out there!"