Paradise Driver

Saturday, January 13, 2007

A VERY SLOW NIGHT

BUT I STILL MADE MONEY

Alissa & Catherine

Catherine
Oh, the dress is even prettier in real life.
It just "moves the right way" when she walks.

On Friday morning I took a very nice lady to OGG for a day-trip to Honolulu. I made the usual arrangements for her return pick-up. Usually these day-trippers come back before my shift starts. Luckily for me, she was due in about 8:30pm, so I would be able to cover it myself. From Jersey City, NJ, she worked in NYC and was originally from Alabama. A very articulate conversationalist. At the end of the run, she complimented me, saying: "You are the most intelligent cab driver I have ever met. You have a wide range of knowledge. You should write a book." That was very sweet of her.

My second run of the shift was assisting on a two cab pick-up from the Waterfront Restaurant, in Ma'alaea. While returning to Wailea, we were discussing the Tsunami Watch we were then currently under. I gave them the latest info and assured them that where they were staying was well above the tsunami flood zone. As they exited the cab, one of them stuck his head in the side window and told me I was the smartest cabbie he had ever had the pleasure of riding with. I guess it was his first cab ride.

I think I had better read all of Wikipedia before I go to sleep this morning.

***

As most of you have probably heard, there was an earthquake off of the coast of Kuril Island yesterday. Kuril Island is part of Russia even though it is also part of the Japanese Island chain. A bitter point in the two countries international relationship. The Russians captured Kuril Island just at the end of WWII and have never repatriated it.

The quake occurred around 6:38pm, my time, and all the various tsunami warning centers around the Pacific Basin went on alert and issued a tsunami warning for Japan and the areas adjacent to the epicenter and a tsunami watch for the rest of the basin. It was a shallow quake but was in very deep water and Japan only experienced some 1 or 2 inch (2-4 cm) waves. The watch was canceled about 10:30pm. Had there been a tsunami, it would've hit about 12:30am.

I don't think I mentioned it before but the front section of our phonebooks have maps showing where the mandatory tsunami evacuation zones are at on the island.

THE PICTURE GALLERY

WAIKIKI BEACH
HONOLULU
O'AHU

Waimanalo Beach
O'ahu

Wainapanapa Beach
Mau'i

***

"Let's all be careful out there!"

Friday, January 12, 2007

LUCKY OLD FART

YES, I AM

Picked up Alissa and Catherine from The Grand and took them to the "Triangle". Aren't they both just drop dead gorgeous!

I really enjoy her visits. She adds a tremendous amount of zest to my life. She and my oldest grandson, Justin, are the same age and I love her the same way as I do him.

Steve "lei'd" (after 13 years, I am so tired of that joke) both the ladies and got a surprise hug in return.

***

It was a pretty decent night. The only problem the entire night was a 1:00am pick-up of 20 people from Mulligans, going out to The Prince. I was the only cab available and was going to have to make 5 trips to do the task.

Pulled into the parking lot at Mulligans and only one man was waiting. As I pulled up next to him I could hear him talking on a cell phone telling someone that the cab was here.

I explained the situation and told him that I could only handle 4 people at a time. He told me that was no problem.

He hopped into "shotgun" and two other guys climbed into the rear. I told them that I could only take one more. Of course, two more clammered in through one door and a sixth was crawling over the guy at the other door. This was what I was dreading. No one was attempting the front seat though. The guy in "shotgun" was as big as a Samoan. Bigger!

I patiently explained that the extras all had to get out, except one. The male part of the couple at the right rear took exception. I explained that the cab would not move with more than four passengers. He cussed me out and then slammed the door as hard as he could [STRIKE ONE]. One of the guys in the back opened the door and called out to the crowd that we needed one more. No one moved other than their lips flapping as everyone engaged in idle, drunken chatter. The doorslammer shouted, "No one is riding in this cab. We'll call another one" and slammed the door again. [STRIKE TWO] The guy in the back opened the door and tried one more fruitless time to get a fourth person. He told the doorslammer that there were no other cabs available except me and again asked for a fourth passenger. [you know its coming] The doorslammer then yelled "I SAID NO ONE WAS RIDING IN THIS CAB!" and, of course, slammed the door a final time. [STRIKE THREE] He got a perfect release on this one and beat his personal best in the effort.

"That it." I said as I put ONE-NINE in gear. "You guys want to go to The Prince, right?"
"We sure do." 'Shotgun' said.
"Oh, you might as well call your friends back there and tell them I won't be coming back. They probably should start walking home."
"Thats funny." 'Shotgun' laughed.
"Yeah, it truly is, isn't it, but it is also the absolute truth. I won't be going back there."
The three of them attempted to bribe ($50) me to go back. Those of you who have read me for a while know that THAT wasn't going to happen. They paid me the exact $10.40 fare.

FECES OCCURS

***

Well, Hapa's is closing this Saturday. Reportedly for financial reasons. Just do a site search here for HAPA'S to read my opinion of the place.

This is a mixed blessing. The site of more police presence than any other bar in Kihei, its closure will change the locus of trouble. Most likely to the "Triangle". Which will be a shame. Locals and non-native residents and visitors do not mix well when blended with alcohol.

I'll give you round-by-round updates as the violence escalates.

THE PICTURE GALLERY

WAIKIKI BEACH
HONOLULU
O'AHU

***

"Let's all be careful out there!"

Thursday, January 11, 2007

EXTRA!!

When the sun sets tonight, go outside and look west. You may see the brightest comet in thirty years hanging just above the horizon. It’s Comet McNaught (C/2006 P1). Click here for more information

"Let's all be careful out there!"

По-русски

UNCULTURED

The second runs of the night was a pu-pu from the Wailea Marriott to the Four Seasons. It was an 8:00pm time call. Per S.O.P. I was there at 7:45pm. The come out 10 minutes late and I start my "small talk".

"Where are you folks from?"
"Russia. Shut up and drive. We are late."

Okay, this isn't getting off on the correct footing.. $6.50 later, we arrive at the Four Seasons. He presents a $100 bill.

"I am sorry but I don't carry that much change. Do you have anything smaller?
"You lazy Americans never have money. What credit card do you take?"
"None, mister. We are strictly a cash business."

I tapped the meter, reactivating the "waiting" clock.

"Why don't you have money? Cabbies in America are stupid and lazy. Why did the price just change? We have arrived. Turn that off now."
"Mister, until I get paid, that meter stays running."
"I won't pay more than six dollars."
"I guess you'll be going to jail rather than dinner then."

At this point a valet had heard enough of the conversation to make an offer to take the C-note to the front desk for change. My Russian friend accepted and then we waited, the meter jumping up 30-cents every minute. I was handed a Twenty and made change, all in coins, for the final $7.10 fare.

"You are a real American asshole!"
"Actually, I am a real American prick and you, my friend, are very uncultured. Are you the best example that Russia has to present as a representative of your country? What a shame that there are so few cultured people in your country."

Many years ago, as a teen, my dad told me that one of the greatest insults that can be given to a Russian was to call them "uncultured". Russians have a complex about "culture" and know that theirs is just a sheer veneer.
I even know how to say the word in Russian. That was my final word to him. His face went beet-red. He turned and entered the hotel. No, I didn't get a tip but I won.

***

IT SNOWED AGAIN!

Summit of 14,000 foot (4.3 km) Mauna Kea, on the Big Island. Captured at 11:19am yesterday (10-January-07).

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.