I'VE HAD WORSE NIGHTS, BUT NOT MANY

WALKING INTO HEAVEN

When you enter the Grand Wailea you are greeted by some beautiful sculpture.

Just past the foyer there are two displays of native Hawai'ian dancers.


Three lifesize kanes (men) are on your left.





Three lifesize wahines (women) are on your right.




Just a few steps further and you are greated by the grandeur.

A mermaid awaits your beckon, while the Botero Bar behind her is ready to serve you whatever exotic drink imaginable.

Then you glance skyward to embrace the splendor.

==============================================
KINDERGARDEN CAR

Remember when you were in your 1st and second year of school?

Remember drawing and painting different scenes and images about your life?

Remember what the cars you drew looked like?

I bet it kind of resembled this:


It is a Scion xB


==============================================
THE MOON

All night long the Moon danced with the clouds.



==============================================
LAST NIGHT

At "bar close" (2:00am), I had a total of 3 runs. Thats pretty sad. The other drivers hadn't done any better and went home to "lick their wounds".

I managed to eek out three more runs during my solo hours of the night.

The most interesting, and most $$$ (this run doubled what I had on the meter for the night) was the result of a head-on traffic collision.

My passengers were the four people riding in this pickup truck.


The drunk driver of this vehicle crossed the center line of the road.

Thankfully, no one involved was seriously injured.
I took the victims home to Lahaina, about 25 miles away. The police made other arrangements for the drunk.

And wouldn't you know it. The phone rang three times within 5 minutes after I had started this run. Other people wanting a cab. Since I am the only cab in south Mau'i after 2:00am, they were S.O.L.

Ended the shift with 6 trips. The "take home" was actually decent.
==============================================
MOONSET/SUNRISE



They sort of play out Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicals.
==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be%

INTERNET EXPLORER

MY APOLOGIES

For the first time I have been able to view my blog using IE.

It is really "screwed up!"

I will try and find out where there is a "code" error in the template that causes the "sidebar" to drop way off to the bottom of the page. It may take a while.

Time to hit the shower and head off to work. :)

==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

TUESDAY "TV" TEST

TEST VIDEO

This is a TEST.

This is only a TEST.

In the event of an actual emergency,
bend over and kiss your ekole good-bye.

I am experimenting with the use of video at Paradise Driver. A very amateur effort.

"click" the arrow in the center of the screen to start the video.


Mahalo's to "gnightgirl" at This Just In for the concept.
==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

MONDAY MADNESS

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" -
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you -
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" -
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
==============================================
GOING TO DINNER

My friends, Dave and Judy, have invited me over to their house for dinner tonight. As I have mentioned before, having a "home cooked meal" is a real treat for this bachelor. Oh, I am a very good cook, also, but I just hate to cook for myself. Usually 2+ hours of preparation and then 15-30 minutes to consume the meal. Also, I have trouble just cooking for one person (me). I tend to make enough to feed 4 to 6 people and then have to eat the same thing for the next week. Boring.

Judy is my unqualified best friend. We have known each other for over 26 years. We have never been a "couple", have never been "involved". We have suffered and shined through our marriages, our divorces, helped raise each others kids and always have been there for the other when facing "trying" times or sharing joyous events. I love her very deeply.

After Judy and Dave married, in 2001, it took him a while to understand that I was not a threat to their relationship and we have become friends.

BTW - he's the one cooking tonight and he is a great chef. He actually was a chef in one of the better restaurants, now out-of-business, on Mau'i for a long time.

Aloha, 'til tomorrow. :)
==============================================
HAWAI'IANA:






==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

TRANSLATOR UPGRADED

You may have noticed that I have changed this blog's translator.

Increased the number of language capabilities from 8 to 12.

The languages now available are:

CHINESE - traditional
CHINESE - simple
DUTCH
FRENCH
GERMAN
GREEK
ITALIAN
JAPANESE
KOREAN
PORTUGUESE
RUSSIAN
SPANISH

If anyone would like to add this to their english language blog, just send me an e-mail for the code.
==============================================
Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

WHERE ARE YOU?

ADDRESSES

Bob, over at TAXI TALES, posted about the difficulty in locating addresses. There were a lot of comments from readers relating their difficulty in the various locales in which they live.

Obviously, this is a worldwide problem.

It's no different here on Mau'i.

First, we have street names that most people really "butcher" when trying to pronounce them.

When you finally determine where they are at , you hope that the address is easily readable from the street

If not this:

Then at least this:

This is what you usually get












MY MAILBOX

It also has reflective numbers on the side of the box.

I wonder if King Kamehameha-I had this much trouble locating people?

==============================================
GOOD NIGHT

Do to unforeseen circumstances, I didn't have to start dispatching until 9:30pm. Great way to start the shift! 2-1/2 hours of peaceful driving with no phone!

Everybody stayed busy and made money.

The most notable ride of the night was a 3-pax from Tsunami's to WorldMark about 12:30am.

The two ladies were very nice. Their male companion was a loud, obnoxious, overly intoxicated boar (bore?). He had been escorted from Tsunami's by hotel security.

As he entered my cab he was yelling "Take us to 'Trend West'", repeatedly. I was busy on the phone and was involved in radio traffic with two of my drivers, trying to organize their runs. I had to tell him to "sit down and shut-up."

During the ride, we diverted to FoodLand for one of the ladies' needs. Repeatedly, I had to admonish the male that it was not necessary to yell, since he was seated next to me, on the front passenger seat. He took umbrage to my statements, but the ladies in the backseat told him to "shut up" and that he was the one being rude, not the cabbie (me).

The ladies apologized profusely for the man's belligerence and tipped me very generously at the end of the trip.

After 2:00am, the town died and I spent the next few hours photographing mailboxes.
==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

GET LEI'D ON MAU'I

LEI GIRL

Daniella

We have a unique occupation on Mau'i. A "Lei Girl." These young ladies circulate the restaurants and bars during the night with their baskets of beautiful flowers.

A great way for comely new arrivals to earn an income and begin "networking" for better job opportunities.
==============================================
HOT ROD

The affinity for "hotrods" and classic cars even extends to Mau'i.
This is the first time I have seen this one.





==============================================
LEASON LEARNED

The following two pics are totally useless. I am only posting them as examples of being careful when using a "flash" near reflective material. My "from experience" little camera lesson for the day.


Its a shame that last one didn't come out. It showed MPD's latest weapon on crime. The ATV patrol. Pictured are Officers HINCKLE and BROWN starting patrol of Kalama Park and the "Triangle". I'll try for a better shot down the road.
==============================================
LAST NIGHT

Looking back over the recent posts, I've noticed that I have been in a negative mood about business. I really shouldn't complain. I am making money, more than enough to cover my needs, and I am having a good time doing it.

So, I'll just let last night fade away by noting that there were no interesting fares or incidents.
==============================================
MOON SET


==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

PARADIGM SHIFT

HOTELS NEAR CAPACITY
CABS SIT IDLE

Since the tsumani in southeast asia and the Atlantic hurricane seasons of 2004 & 2005 destroyed so many winter resort meccas around the world, Mau'i has seen a marked increase in visitors.

Initially, these visitors were FIT's (Financially Independent Travelers). FIT's are money spenders. They go places and do things. They come here to relax and have fun. These visitors are the life blood of our tourist based economy.

This winter we had very few.

Instead, all the major hotels are booked out by major corporations for their annual group meetings. Groups are great for the resort/hotels. They have had an occupancy rate of 95-98% all winter. But groups tend to stay "on campus" and only partake of the recreational agenda provided by their corporation. If the company ain't paying for it, they're not doing it. Groups are traditionally frugal. Actually, they are down right cheap!

This causes a trickle down effect on the local economy. Since groups don't do "things", then local tourist related businesses lose income. Their employees work fewer hours and thus have less disposable income for their own social needs. Second tier industries have less call for their services as a result.

What little money is spent by group members is usually "on campus" . A delight for the resorts but a bane for everyone else.

The sponsoring corporations of groups are heavy hitters in the tourist industry. They enjoy their annual "get togethers" and currently have few choices in the world to go. For us it has becomed a mixed blessing. I hope we survive.

Corporations want a location that is safe, warm, luxurious, and easily accessible. Currently that just about limits their selection to the State of Hawai'i's various resorts.

Any location that requires a passport is chopped from the corporate selection list. Turn around time from application to issuance of a passport is now nearly one year. Our State Department treats applicants as if they are terrorists attempting to elude Dubya's God sanctioned crusade for world domination.
==============================================

A few years back we had a multi-level marketing group with their top producers. They were way out of their league. Awed by The Grand, they were a Motel 6 crowd.

On their one "free" night, Jim G. took a group of 6 to dinner. At Denny's. The fare then was $8.25. On arrival, these 6 clowns "chased their tail 'round the tree" trying to determine what each's share of the taximeter was.

Jim finally said, out of frustration, "Look. This one is on me. Its obvious, by your choice of restaurant and this petty bickering, that not one of you has the financial ability to just hand me a 'ten-spot' and say 'keep the change'. You folks need the money more than I do." He even handed them $5 and told them that dessert was on him, but they would have to "split it" six ways.

I admire properly executed sarcasm. ;)
==============================================

When I started my shift last night tere were 9 cabs on duty. An hour later we were down to 7 and by 11:00pm we had 3, one more than we really needed for the entire night.

I didn't get my first run until 8:50pm but still was "top dawg" at 2:00am. And I added 3 more runs during my solo period.

The most interesting ride of the night was a very intoxicated couple from Wales, UK. Picked them up at the "Triangle" and took them to the Best Western motel (yes, we have them here, too). I had to admonish him about bringing an open container of beer into the vehicle. He said I was "a 'bloody copper'" for "nicking' him". Little did he realize how close to the truth he was. :) (I think "nicked" is the British slang equivalent of the American slang term "busted")

He and his lady companion couldn't stop their beratement of the British, the Scottish, the Irish, all police officers and THE Queen, especially THE Queen. I'd like to think that all Welsh do not have that much of an inferiority complex. The few others I have met didn't seem to.

As spring progresses, we tend to slow down each month until the 15th of June, when our summer tourist season begins. We seldom have groups in the summer. I hope we can survive until then.
==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

I"VE GONE MULTI-LINGUAL

SITE UPGRADE!

Visitors here now have the ability to read "PARADISE DRIVER" in eight other languages using the "Babel Fish" translator from Altavista.

Just "click" on the appropriate flag on the Altavista link above "About Me".

Reading left to right,
the first row is:
CHINA
GERMANY
JAPAN
KOREA

The second row is:
FRANCE
ITALY
SPAIN
PORTUGAL

I hope my non-english speaking visitors find this useful.

Other page translation languages are available at their main site. Just cc&p the URL of the page you need translated into the appropriate box.

http://babelfish.altavista.digital.com/
==============================================
ANOTHER DRIVER
Alex V.

==============================================
LAST NIGHT

I woke up. I went to work. I made money. I came home. I went to bed.

That was as interesting (yawn) as it got.

See ya tomorrow. :)
==============================================
Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

WAY TO GO GIRL!!

MELISSA PLAUT
(aka: New York Hack)

She announced yesterday, 04APR06, that she has signed a book deal with Villard, an imprint of Random House.

She went from "downsizing" to cabbie to blogger to soon-to-be published author. FANTASTIC!

Currently, she plans to continue driving and blogging.

Here are some pics I garnered off the web:



For those who don't know her, she is a 30 year old, NYC woman. Her prior job was as a staff writer with the webzine PopSmear. Eventually she was "downsized" ("fired", "canned", "sacked", "shown the door", "given the 'boot'") . Running low on funds and opportunities, she decided to become a NYC cabbie. 1 of 197 women among the 40,000+ licensed cabbies in NYC who drive those 13,000 yellow taxis.

Here are a couple of stories she wrote while at PopSmear.

"Man-Tits"

"Siamese Twins"

I don't know about you, but I plan to buy her book.
==============================================
VERY SLOW

Last night was like a "stoner" trying to form cognitive thought. Tedious. The runs were happening but with long periods of downtime. The "10 o'clock magic" continued in negative mode.

I had three "10-13"s (no show/no load) dispatches, in a row, last night. All of them occurred in the worst of the doldrums (10:30pm to 12:30am). Each time this occurred, the driver who had dispatch duty was second in line for a call. 30 seconds after I was responding, he would send himself off for a really good run. My run would be a "bust" and I would resume "first up." That was a bit strange. Strange enough that one of the other drivers had to "talk story" about it when our paths crossed. I sure as hell hope we don't have a cheating thief among our ranks.
=======================================
THE RIDE HOME

My 5:30am fare. In the center.
I finished my last run at 6:00am (late for me, early for most of you), at OGG. I was disappointed that I hadn't found one thing interesting to take a pic of. I was watching the sunrise on my return trip when it dawned, no pun intended, on me

"Hey, Wil. It's daylight. No flash necessary!!"

So here is my ride home:
PU'UNENE SUGAR MILL

ITS UNDER OGG's GLIDEPATH

THE "NEW" MOKULELE HIGHWAY

OLD MOKULELE HIGHWAY

WELCOME TO KIHEI

S/B PI'ILANI @ KAONOULU

SWAMPS BEHIND AZEKA-MAUKA

S/B KIHEI @ WELAKAHAO

S/B KIHEI @ THE MAU'I COAST

S/B KIHEI @ MAU'I HILL CONDOS

LOOKING NORTH ON KIHEI @ OKALANI

WELCOME TO WAILEA

SOME OF THOSE "GATED" $30-MILLION HOMES

SUNRISE


And, finally, HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY to my friend Tim Weaver of MisterWeave.com Forums.

Aloha!
==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

TUESDAY TIDINGS

DOG THOUGHTS

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. -James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good a person my dog thinks I am. Kim
==============================================

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"