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Monday, July 17, 2006



Alex, I am sorry if you thought I was portraying the story as true. I thought everyone would recognize a parody when they read it. I guess I was wrong.


Have you thought about using a RSS reader? I use BlogLines. I can get a quick read and it also feeds the pics on the posts, and you don't have to load the entire blog unless you want to.


Humpback Whale season is from December until June. Some have been spotted in late November. If they aren't stopped by the DHS for customs and border inspection, then the waters are full by December 15th.

Here are some pics for you:


Tell "your cop" to keep his eyes open. Might snag one for transporting drugs. I am sure that Virginia has that law that lets the police "arrest" the vehicle for transportation of narcotics. The vehicle, after conviction, usually reverts back to the arresting agency. I liked that law.


I just flick them out of the way now. But that was my first encounter and I had no knowledge of what I was dealing with. When in doubt, call in an "air-strike".


"Let's all be careful out there!"


Full credit for this one goes to Mirth, Musings and More, by Lugosi


Monday, July 17, 2006

Please Help
I rarely bother to read anything that looks like a "chain email." The stuff is usually a waste of my time, time that is better spent pursuing more worthwhile pursuits in life, like checking out those sites with the naked Britney Spears photos. And I would certainly never subject YOU, my loyal readers, and I'm referring to both of you, to such asinine drivel.

This one, however, really touched my heart. It is truly moving, and has caused me to rethink my cynical attitude towards my fellow man. I urge all of you to take a minute to read it. And if it is at all within your means, please donate to this worthy cause.

My name is Billy Evans.

I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.

Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she' s allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from schoolchildren all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.

Please help me. Mommy is s-o-o sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury it's turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

Thank You,
Billy "Smiley" Evans


"Let's all be careful out there!"



In the early part of my prior life, I could do a 24 hour day without blinking an eye. 36 hour days were rare but doable. Reached my limit when it extended past 48 hours.

Later, 24 hours were still a snap but the upper limit had dropped back to the area of 36 hours.

My Saturday/Sunday was 22 hours long. Looks like my upper limit has dropped to 24 hours. I was exhausted when I finally got to bed.


Logged on just after 7:00pm and took over the phone. Dispatching for nine cabs.

While parked outside the Ballroom entrance of The Grand, I could faintly hear Hawai'ian chants and drums from one of the luaus. Hmmmm. Natives are restless.

An early run was a pickup from the Haggai Institute to Wailea. Tha Haggai facility was originally a 7-story hotel called Maui Sunrise. The leadership students there come from all over the world. Part of the training is to build fellowship and develop skills, while networking. This week they have a visitor, a lady from Nigeria, who opted to stay a one of the major hotels in Wailea. It was my misfortune to encounter her. When she finally came to the cab, trailing one of those small, wheeled, totes. I popped the trunk and loaded the bag. She handed me a medium sized shopping bag and then proceeded to remove one small bottle of water at a time from another sack and instructed me to put them in the first sack. There were probably 15 bottles. I looked at her and laughed. "Lady, I can legally charge 30-cents for each piece /item that I load into or out of the vehicle. Why don't you just dump that second bag into the first and lets get going."

I got that "I stepped in something bad" look from her. She placed the sack in the trunk and went back inside the building. I started the meter. It was about 10 minutes before she came back out. When I dropped her at her hotel I checked the back seat. Sure enough, she had left multiple items of rubbish on the seat and floor. I took them out and handed them to her. "Lady, my cab isn't your personal rubbish bin. Take your garbage with you." The look she then gave me said it all. This was a woman of some "power" in her country and, if we had been there, she would have had me summarily executed for my audacity. A very christian woman.
"Do unto others as they would do unto you. But do it first."
Had my largest fare ever. No, not $$, but size. Picked up 4 guys from a central Kihei condo and dropped them near Kamaole Beach Park #2. The guy who barely fit in the front seat was at least 6'9" (2.06 meters) and weighed well over 500# (227 kg). Even with the seat fully retracted, he barely made it inside. ONE-NINE has an "air suspension system" and it took a bit of time for the car to "level" itself.

Jack In The Box, a western US fastfood chain, returned to 24 hour operation on Friday and Saturday nights. This is going to cause us some headaches. Every drunk wants to go thru "Jack" after bar close. Spilled drinks, dropped food and a waste of time, earning 30-cents per minute on the meter as you inch your way forward. I'll have to enforce my "I am sorry but no food or drink are allowed in the vehicle" rule.

From 7:00pm to 2:00am the night was very slow. I had 10 runs on the log and had not even made $90 on the meter. Then everyone else went home and the phone started ringing. Metered over $120 on the next 8 runs. When the graveyard shift "pays", it "pays" well.

Finally logged off just after 6:00am and then the second half of my day started.


One of the most profittable businesses to own on Mau'i is "pest control". The island is rife with creepy-crawlies. It is an unwinnable battle for pest control. This spring, three different neighbors had their homes "tented" and fumigated. By June the insect refuges had migrated to the house I live in. The main house and all three apartments were awash in cockroaches. Oh, did I mention that cockroaches fly on Mau'i? We all decided that Sunday we were all going to set off "bug bombs" at 9:00am and vacate the property for 4 hours. I put Bear, my kitty, in the storage shed with a bed, litterbox, food and water. (He is still pissed!) Then I had 4 hours to kill. I am normally asleep and it had been a long night. Went to Denny's for breakfast. Drove around for a bit and finally came home. Aired out the apartment and crashed. Slept a solid 8 hours (rare for me)


Forgot to mention the problem I had getting started on Thursday night. When I arrived at the garage, ONE-NINE was parked with the drivers door less than 6 inches (15 cm) from cab #5. There is no keylock on the passenger door, so I had to climb up on the roof of my cab, reach down and enter the access code, open all the doors. Then enter via the passenger side, climbing past the radio, meter, etc. and finally pulling forward enough to get the drivers door open. Not the most pleasant way to start the night.


The asking price for this two-bedroom, two-bath townhouse (right side) is $499,000, making it the lowest-priced single-family listing in Kahului. The average price of a single-family home on Maui has gone over $1 million.

The Maui News / MATTHEW THAYER photo

Average home price tops $1 million

And a related story:

Kaanapali plans for 4,850 housing units


"Let's all be careful out there!"