FLYING

From something called "Electric Oyster." Control your flight path with the cursor as you soar over sno-capped mountains. Probably requires a broadband connection. It is a total waste of your time but is relaxing.

Are you brave enough to watch FoxNews for 24 hours straight? This guy made a valiant effort. He can have visitors on Sunday afternoons.

I have definitely returned to the land of the weird. That's the city I live in.

Judge to drug dealer:

"Not only is it illegal, but you’re not very good at it, given the number of times you’ve been caught."

A contender for the LLDE list.

BEER - THE NEW REALITY SHOW:

• act 1 - Amateur drinker spends $1.000 a week on beer. Wants to turn "pro".
• act 2 - Suspected beer thief leaves liquid trail.
• act 3 - O J Simpson wants you to buy him a beer. He'll meet you out back, behind the stairs. Bring your own utensils and sports memorabilia.

Marie Antoinette is alive and well. And running the State Health Agency in Florida, under an assumed name.

"Just because you're poor doesn't mean you're unhealthy; it just means you have a lot more time to go running."

Obviously the writer of this LA Times news bit must have been short on his weekly "words in print" quota:

Why Is There Traffic In Los Angeles?

Are you a good dancer? Me neither. Which is why I'll stay away from this place.



"Let's all be careful out there!"

JULY 15TH

***

Today is Tuesday, July 15, the 197th day of 2008. There are 169 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:

• On July 15, 1971, President Nixon startled the country by announcing he would visit the People's Republic of China.

On this date:

• In 1606, Dutch painter Rembrandt was born in Leiden, Netherlands.
• In 1870, Georgia became the last Confederate state readmitted to the Union.
• In 1870, Manitoba entered confederation as the 5th Canadian province.
• In 1918, the Second Battle of the Marne, resulting in an Allied victory, began during World War I.
• In 1948, President Truman was nominated for another term of office by the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia.
• In 1958, President Eisenhower ordered U.S. Marines to Lebanon, at the request of that country's president, Camille Chamoun, in the face of a perceived threat by Muslim rebels.
• In 1964, Sen. Barry M. Goldwater of Arizona was nominated for president by the Republican National Convention in San Francisco.
• In 1976, a 36-hour kidnap ordeal began for 26 schoolchildren and their bus driver as they were abducted near Chowchilla, Calif., by three gunmen and imprisoned in an underground cell. (The captives escaped unharmed.)
• In 1978, President Carter, in West Germany for an economic summit, presided over a "town meeting" during which he fielded questions from about 1,000 Berliners.
• In 1997, fashion designer Gianni Versace was shot dead outside his Miami home; suspected gunman Andrew Phillip Cunanan was found dead eight days later.

Ten years ago:

• Three days of ceremonies to bury Russia's last czar and his family, who were killed by the Bolsheviks, began in the city of Yekaterinburg.
• The Congressional Budget Office estimated federal surpluses of $1.55 trillion over the next decade.

Five years ago:

• The Bush administration dramatically raised its budget deficit projections to $455 billion for the current fiscal year and $475 billion for the next, record levels fed by the limp economy, tax cuts and the battle against terrorism.
• Scott McClellan assumed his duties as White House press secretary.
• Philadelphia's archbishop, Cardinal Anthony Bevilacqua, retired.
• Tex Schramm, who turned the Dallas Cowboys into "America's Team," died in Dallas at age 83.
  
• American-born singer Elisabeth Welch died in London at age 99.
• The American League beat the National League in the All-Star baseball game 7-6.

One year ago:

• The Roman Catholic archdiocese of Los Angeles announced it was settling clergy sex-abuse cases for $660 million.
• The Philadelphia Phillies lost their 10,000th game, 10-2, to the visiting St. Louis Cardinals.

Today's Birthdays:

• Actor Philip Carey is 83.
• Author Clive Cussler is 77.
• Actor Alex Karras is 73.
• Actor Ken Kercheval is 73.
• Sen. George V. Voinovich, R-Ohio, is 72.
• Actor Patrick Wayne is 69.
• Actor Jan-Michael Vincent is 64.
• Rhythm-and-blues singer Millie Jackson is 64.
• Rock singer-musician Peter Lewis (Moby Grape) is 63.
• Singer Linda Ronstadt is 62.
• Rock musician Artimus Pyle is 60.
• Actor Terry O'Quinn is 56.
• Rock musician Marky Ramone is 52.
• Rock musician Joe Satriani is 52.
• Country singer-songwriter Mac McAnally is 51.
• Model Kim Alexis is 48.
  
• Actor Willie Aames is 48.
• Actor-director Forest Whitaker is 47.
• Actress Lolita Davidovich is 47.
• Actress Brigitte Nielsen is 45.
• Rock musician Jason Bonham is 42.
• Actor Kristoff St. John is 42.
• Rock musician Phillip Fisher is 41.
• Rhythm-and-blues singer Stokey (Mint Condition) is 41.
• Actor-comedian Eddie Griffin is 40.
• Actor Stan Kirsch is 40.
• Actor Reggie Hayes is 39.
• Rock musician John Dolmayan is 36.
• Actor Scott Foley is 36.
• Actor Brian Austin Green is 35.
• Rapper Jim Jones is 32.
• Actress Lana Parrilla is 31.
• Rock musician Ray Toro (My Chemical Romance) is 31.
• Rhythm-and-blues singer Kia Thornton (Divine) is 27.

Thought for Today:

"It is astonishing what force, purity, and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods."
Margaret Fuller, American journalist and social critic (1810-1850).

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-197

"Let's all be careful out there!"

A QUICK TRIP

AROUND THE NEWS BLOCK

In case you aren't busy worrying about terrorists, global warming and the plummeting economy, the latest menace to society: blue inflatable pools.

She hits a tree. She is drunk. 9 times the legal limit drunk. Of course, she only drinks on days that have a "Y" in them.

The Amish in Kentucky do not want to display slow-moving vehicle emblems on their horse-drawn buggies because they say the signs are "too worldly"

Playboy to feature "the Girls of Olive Garden". In a complete surprise, the "Girls Of Waffle House" didn't test market very well

Good news: "professional and discreet...a 10-day guarantee...100% professional we don't charge in advance".
Bad news: Classified ads for hitmen in Mexico

TSA looking into "possible unauthorized release of sensitive and classified information to the news media" after report that less than 1% of flights carry air marshals.

Of the 170,000 gasoline stations in America, some 8,000 have pumps that can't be adjusted to today's prices. So, if the price looks too good to be true, it probably isn't.

Now that wildfires in California are coming under control, the mudslides have started

If you're going to the embassy to get your passport renewed, you might want to take the $4,000 worth of crack out of your purse first

Once again, if airport security guards ask what you have in your carry-on luggage, don't tell them "parts of a Kalashnikov"

As always, thanks for the time you spend with me.


"Let's all be careful out there!"