Paradise Driver: 12/29/06

Friday, December 29, 2006

HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST

ME TO GET THERE?

Picked up two young ladies a bit after 4:00am in central Kihei.

"Where are we headed to ladies?"
"Take us to Fred's."
"Okay, Fred's it is."
"Actually we aren't going to Fred's, our condo is just past there."
"What's the name of your condo?"
"We can't remember but its just past Fred's. We'll recognize it when we see it."
"Not a problem. Just tell me when to turn."
"How much is it going to cost me to get there?
"Gee. Since I have no idea where we are headed, its kinda hard to give you an estimate."
"Thats okay. Just give me a rough guess. I hope I have enough to pay you."
"Lady, the meter trips at $3.50 and then its 30 cents per 1/10th of a mile after that."
"Good. I have enough."

Their destination was about a mile south of "Fred's". Gave me $16 on a $10.10.

They spoke very softly with each other as we rode and one said something about both of them having been good. At least one of them had been very good. The car reeked of sex.

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THINGS TO CONSIDER

When approached by three locals, while walking through an isolated parking lot, who ask you for a cigarette, DO NOT stick your hand into your pocket to fetch your pack. Doing so leaves you with one less arm to defend yourself with as you get "sucker punched" and then kicked and beaten and stomped. You will also get a ride to the Emergency Room at MMMC.
When you meet that great new friend or special someone at the "Triangle", DO NOT accept their offer for a walk, in the dark, along the water in Kalama Park. Unless you really enjoy being gang raped. Gender isn't a factor in this issue.
When patronizing our most popular "locals" bar, please remember that smiling at, speaking to, dancing with, or flirting with any "local" girl will probably result in having your "privates" handed to you by six huge "local" males when you retire to the restroom.
That great guy who is going to sell you some "smoke" would really rather just take your money and run. Anything he gives you will have a THC content of zero. If you should decide to go back to "his place" to "do a couple of bowls", please make sure that you have the name and phone number of your next-of-kin tattooed somewhere on your body. It makes the Medical Examiner's job so much easier.

I hope these handy little hints will make your visit to Mau'i a bit more enjoyable.

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I have no idea what their names are nor where they are from. I had these two pretty girls in the cab recently and they kept taking my picture (well, I DID look like Santa) so I took theirs.

THE PICTURE GALLERY

HONOLULU ZOO

Marker Showing Mileage to Other World Zoos