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Saturday, June 10, 2006



With just a week til the summer tourist season kicks off, I am having trouble finding ways to describe these boring periods. My biggest run of the night was $17.30 and the smallest was $4.40. Ended the shift with 17 runs (7 of which came after 2:00am) and that is the only reason I made any money. Every run of the shift was a bar run (to/from).


Wailea Kai is the first "gated" community on south Kihei road after you enter Wailea. The homes are in the $20+ million range. Populated by people who want to live in paradise but want to isolate themselves from the general public. The "ivory tower" syndrome.

I love their iconic speed limit signs. Not a legal sign. Not a legal speed limit. Not enforceable by the local police, since these roadways are not part of the county road system and are privately maintained by the homeowners association.

Picked up a couple from the Sports Page early in the shift and brought them home to here. I had them as a fare maybe twice in the past two years. They were nice enough and tipped generously but they kept insisting, like I really gave a shit, that they each had only consumed one drink during the evening.

I won't say they were prevaricating but I would like to know what that "one" drink was. I'd buy a case. Their level of intoxication was definately in the "I only had two beers, Officer" cliche.


Mahalo to Shadow, gnightgirl and jeepgirl. As you know, each of those lines are the absolute truth. Definately not "politically correct" but still the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The one that always torqued my jaws was #24
You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

My wife and I could never attend any casual social function without this happening. And eventually some activist idiot would whine to me, in front of the other guests, about some ticket he had received in the past. Trying to rationalize that it was the officer's fault and error for stopping and needlessly harassing such a decent and upstanding citizen as himself.

When this first happened, I would be sympathetic but as the years passed, my attitude changed.
"You really do suffer from a bad case of rectal-myopia. Were you as much of an asshole then as you are now? You fucked up dude. Get some balls and face up to your responsibilities like a man. Now, shut up and get the fuck out of my face."

As the years passed, we usually only attended cop or family functions. Mostly because people would invite my wife but dis-invite me.

If people want to live in "Fantasyland" they can move to Disney World.


I also noticed that the room for your main computer for paradise driver is so do you do it? You should see my computer room/hide out!

It's all in how I framed the shot.


"Let's all be careful out there!"


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.

Don't ya just love lawyers?


"Let's all be careful out there!"