MONDAY MADNESS

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" -
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you -
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" -
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
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GOING TO DINNER

My friends, Dave and Judy, have invited me over to their house for dinner tonight. As I have mentioned before, having a "home cooked meal" is a real treat for this bachelor. Oh, I am a very good cook, also, but I just hate to cook for myself. Usually 2+ hours of preparation and then 15-30 minutes to consume the meal. Also, I have trouble just cooking for one person (me). I tend to make enough to feed 4 to 6 people and then have to eat the same thing for the next week. Boring.

Judy is my unqualified best friend. We have known each other for over 26 years. We have never been a "couple", have never been "involved". We have suffered and shined through our marriages, our divorces, helped raise each others kids and always have been there for the other when facing "trying" times or sharing joyous events. I love her very deeply.

After Judy and Dave married, in 2001, it took him a while to understand that I was not a threat to their relationship and we have become friends.

BTW - he's the one cooking tonight and he is a great chef. He actually was a chef in one of the better restaurants, now out-of-business, on Mau'i for a long time.

Aloha, 'til tomorrow. :)
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HAWAI'IANA:






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Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"