DAILY CHUCKLE 8-214

"Let's all be careful out there!"

IS DARWIN CORRECT...

OR IS THAT AN INSULT TO APES?

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree.
Discussin things as they're said to be.
Said one to the others, "Now listen, you two
There's a certain rumor that can't be true,
That man descended from our noble race.
That very idea is a disgrace.
No monkey ever deserted his wife
Starved her babies or ruined her life,
And another thing you will never see
A monkey build a fence around a coconut tree
And let the coconuts go to waste,
Forbidding all other monkeys to taste.
If I put a fence around this tree
Starvation would force you to steal from me.
Here's another thing a monk won't do,
Go out at night and get on a stew,
And use a gun or club or knife
To take some other monkey's life
Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss -
But, brother, he didn't descend from us.

Thanks, June.

Possibly the dumbest guy ever on Wheel Of Fortune:


"Of course I am driving, officer. I am too frakking drunk to walk":


Lets see, the Governator had his birthday and cut 200,000 State employees to minimum wage. So this must be how he earns some extra cash:


OMG! Did you know that Scientology is a crime syndicate?

Drunk driver crashes truck into parked car. Passenger takes over, crashes truck into another parked car. On the same street.

You invite 300 people to a "play fight" and a "riot" breaks out. In California, it would be called a minor disturbance. We have more exacting standards for rioting.

Whoopi Goldberg and Elisabeth Hasselbeck debating Obama and McCain on the view:


Robbing a liquor store across the street from where the police are conducting a field training exercise earns this guy a nomination for the LLDE (Lex Luthor Doesn't Exist) award.

I guess if you can afford a Lamborghini then the cost of an oil change shouldn't bother you.

Its TGIF!
Enjoy your weekend!

"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - ARIEL (episode 09)

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

JULY 31ST

***

Today is Thursday, July 31, the 213th day of 2008. There are 153 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:

• On July 31, 1948, President Truman helped dedicate New York International Airport (later John F. Kennedy International Airport) at Idlewild Field.

On this date:

• In 1556, St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Society of Jesus — the Jesuit order of Catholic priests and brothers — died in Rome.
• In 1777, the Marquis de Lafayette, a 19-year-old French nobleman, was made a major-general in the American Continental Army.
• In 1875, the 17th president of the United States, Andrew Johnson, died in Carter County, Tenn., at age 66.
• In 1919, Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted by the republic's National Assembly.
• In 1945, Pierre Laval, premier of the pro-Nazi Vichy government, surrendered to U.S. authorities in Austria; he was turned over to France, which later tried and executed him.
• In 1957, the Distant Early Warning Line (DEW Line), a system of radar stations designed to detect Soviet bombers approaching North America, went into operation.
• In 1964, the American space probe Ranger 7 reached the moon, where it transmitted pictures of the lunar surface.
• In 1972, Democratic vice-presidential candidate Thomas Eagleton withdrew from the ticket with George McGovern following disclosures Eagleton had once undergone psychiatric treatment.
• In 1987, Iranian pilgrims and riot police clashed in the Muslim holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia, resulting in some 400 deaths, according to the Saudi government, which blamed the Iranians for the violence.
• In 1991, President Bush and Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty in Moscow.

Ten years ago:

• President Clinton said he would "completely and truthfully" answer prosecutors' questions about Monica Lewinsky in testimony to be beamed by closed-circuit television to a grand jury.
• IBM's Russian subsidiary agreed to pay $8.5 million in federal fines for selling powerful computers ultimately destined for a Russian nuclear weapons laboratory.

Five years ago:

• The Vatican launched a global campaign against gay marriages, warning Catholic politicians that support of same-sex unions was "gravely immoral" and urging non-Catholics to join the offensive.
• Two of ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein's daughters and their nine children were granted refuge in Jordan.

One year ago:

• The Army censured retired three-star Lt. Gen. Philip Kensinger for a "perfect storm of mistakes, misjudgments and a failure of leadership" after the 2004 friendly-fire death in Afghanistan of Army Ranger Pat Tillman.
• The U.N. Security Council unanimously approved a 26,000-strong peacekeeping force for Sudan's Darfur region.

Today's Birthdays:

• Actor Don Murray is 79.
• Jazz composer-musician Kenny Burrell is 77.
• Actor Geoffrey Lewis is 73.
• Actress France Nuyen is 69.
• Actress Susan Flannery is 65.
• Singer Lobo is 65.
• Actress Geraldine Chaplin is 64.
• Former movie studio executive Sherry Lansing is 64.
• Singer Gary Lewis is 63.
• Rock singer Bob Welch is 62.
• Tennis player Evonne Goolagong Cawley is 57.
• Actor Barry Van Dyke is 57.
• The mayor of Fresno, Calif., actor Alan Autry, is 56.
• Actor James Read is 55.
• Actor Michael Biehn is 52.
• Rock singer-musician Daniel Ash (Love and Rockets) is 51.
• Rock musician Bill Berry is 50.
• Actor Wesley Snipes is 46.
• Country singer Chad Brock is 45.
• Musician Fatboy Slim is 45.
• Rock musician Jim Corr is 44.
• Author J.K. Rowling is 43.
• Actor Dean Cain is 42.
• Actor Ben Chaplin is 39.
• Actor Loren Dean is 39.
• Actress Annie Parisse is 33.
• Actor Robert Telfer is 31.
• Actor-producer-writer B.J. Novak is 29.
• Actor Eric Lively is 27.
• Country singer Blaire Stroud (3 of Hearts) is 25.
• Singer Shannon Curfman is 23.

Thought for Today:

"We tell our thoughts, like our children, to put on their hats and coats before they go out."
Henry Watson Fowler, English lexicographer-author (1858-1933).

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-213

"Let's all be careful out there!"

MEN OR WOMEN...

WHO ARE HAPPIER?

The answer changes with the demographics. As might be expected.

Well, bless my soul and kiss my grits. The San Andreas fault is longer than thought. Just an additional 18 miles but that explains the mud pots and mud volcanoes.

Right out of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. A guy in kiwi-land has developed the first practical "jet pack". Well, a least practical enough that the NYT wrote about it.


An 8 sq mile (28 sq km) chunk of arctic ice has broken free from the Canadian coast and could become a shipping hazard. Do you think global warming was part of some sinister master plan to make the oil at the north pole more accessible?

I knew it had to happen someday. A cop in Michigan, while riding a Segway, makes a bust for DUI.

Do you remember the Simba and Nala (The Lion King) dolls that communicated with each other? Now cars are doing the same thing to prevent theft.

Allah loves you and wants to chop you into many small pieces. The latest taboo in Saudi Arabia, being enforced by their religious police, are pets. Well, more specificly the selling of same and also taking them for exercise in the capital city of Riyadh. Seems that certain low life, scandalous pigs were using this as a way to approach women.

Wasn't this one of the running jokes in the movie Cat Balou?

Enjoy the last day of July. Hope to see you back here soon. Thanks for visiting.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - OUT OF GAS (episode 08)

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

JULY 30TH

***

Today is Wednesday, July 30, the 212th day of 2008. There are 154 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:

• On July 30, 1945, during World War II, the battle cruiser USS Indianapolis, which had just delivered components for the atomic bomb that would be dropped on Hiroshima, was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine; only 316 out of some 1,200 men survived the sinking and shark-infested waters.

On this date:

• In 1619, the first representative assembly in America convened in Jamestown, Va.
• In 1729, the city of Baltimore was founded.
• In 1792, the French national anthem "La Marseillaise," by Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle, was first sung in Paris by troops arriving from Marseille.
• In 1864, during the Civil War, Union forces tried to take Petersburg, Va., by exploding a gunpowder-filled mine under Confederate defense lines; the attack failed.
• In 1908, the first round-the-world automobile race, which had begun in New York in February, ended in Paris with the drivers of the American car, a Thomas Flyer, declared the winners over teams from Germany and Italy.
• In 1918, poet Joyce Kilmer, a sergeant in the 165th U.S. Infantry Regiment, was killed during the Second Battle of the Marne in World War I. (Kilmer is perhaps best remembered for his poem "Trees.")
• In 1932, the Summer Olympic Games opened in Los Angeles.
• In 1942, President Roosevelt signed a bill creating a women's auxiliary agency in the Navy known as "Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service" — WAVES for short.
• In 1965, President Johnson signed into law the Medicare bill, which went into effect the following year.
• In 1975, former Teamsters union president Jimmy Hoffa disappeared in suburban Detroit — although presumed dead, his remains have never been found.

Ten years ago:

• Japan's Parliament declared Keizo Obuchi the country's next prime minister.
• "Buffalo Bob" Smith, the cowboy-suited host of "The Howdy Doody Show," died in Hendersonville, N.C., at age 80.
• A group of 13 Ohio machinists stepped forward to claim the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. (The workers opted to take the cash option — one payment of about $161.5 million.)

Five years ago:

• In his State of the Union address, President Bush took personal responsibility for the first time for using disputed intelligence, but predicted he would be vindicated for going to war against Iraq.
• Iraq's U.S.-picked interim government named its first president: Ibrahim al-Jaafari, a Shiite Muslim from a party banned by Saddam Hussein.
• Sun Records founder Sam Phillips, who discovered Elvis Presley, died in Memphis, Tenn., at age 80.

One year ago:

• President Bush and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, meeting at Camp David, forged a unified stand on Iraq.
• Chief U.S. Justice John Roberts was taken to a hospital after a seizure caused him to fall on a dock near his summer home in Maine.
• A second South Korean hostage was slain by the Taliban in central Afghanistan.
• Death claimed Swedish movie director Ingmar Bergman at age 87; Italian filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni at age 94; and Hall of Fame football coach Bill Walsh at age 75.

Today's Birthdays:

• Actor Richard Johnson is 81.
• Actor Edd "Kookie" Byrnes is 75.
• Blues musician Buddy Guy is 72.
• Movie director Peter Bogdanovich is 69.
• Feminist activist Eleanor Smeal is 69.
• Former U.S. Rep. Patricia Schroeder, D-Colo., is 68.
• Singer Paul Anka is 67.
• Jazz musician David Sanborn is 63.
• California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is 61.
• Actor William Atherton is 61.
• Actor Jean Reno is 60.
• Blues singer-musician Otis Taylor is 60.
• Actor Frank Stallone is 58.
• Actor Ken Olin is 54.
• Actress Delta Burke is 52.
• Singer-songwriter Kate Bush is 50.
• Country singer Neal McCoy is 50.
• Actor Richard Burgi is 50.
• Director Richard Linklater is 48.
• Actor Laurence Fishburne is 47.
• Actress Lisa Kudrow is 45.
• Bluegrass musician Danny Roberts (The Grascals) is 45.
• Country musician Dwayne O'Brien is 44.
• Actress Vivica A. Fox is 44.
• Actor Terry Crews ("Everybody Hates Chris") is 40.
• Actor Simon Baker is 39.
• Movie director Christopher Nolan is 38.
• Actor Tom Green is 37.
• Rock musician Brad Hargreaves (Third Eye Blind) is 37.
• Actress Christine Taylor is 37
• Actor-comedian Dean Edwards is 35.
• Actress Hilary Swank is 34.
• Actress Jaime Pressly is 31.
• Actress Yvonne Strahovski (TV: "Chuck") is 26.

Thought for Today:

"The fellow who says he'll meet you halfway usually thinks he's standing on the dividing line."
O.A. Battista, Canadian-born author-scientist.

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-212

"Let's all be careful out there!"

BEWARE OF WATER LOGS...

THAT HAVE LEGS AND
TEETH!


I wonder if this will affect that "community spirit" everybody had when they decided to clean up the river bank? Read some of the other stories in the center column also.

In case you missed it, Alaska's Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted on 7 felony counts. Something about unreported gifts from the oil industry. Really BIG gifts. Does anyone find it unbelievable? Not me. The only thing surprising is that they were served while Dubya is still in office. The only thing I can guess is that Stevens failed to carry out his part of some deal.

You need a program to keep up with all the reclassification of celestial bodies.

Obviously I am mistaken but I could have sworn that we were supposed to destroy all our stockpiles of chemical weapons. I hope the Saudis don't find out. They might get a UN resolution to invade us and destroy our WMDs.

Remember that earthquake in China back in May? Some teacher is going to spend one year in a hard labor reeducation center for posting photos of collapsed school buildings on the web.

And foreign owned hotels in China are in deep shit if they don't allow the gov't to monitor (spy) on the internet traffic of the guests. So if it does rain in Beijing during the Olympiad, contrary to China's claims about weather management preventing that, will anyone who reports precipitation be sent for reeducation? Or will there be "technical difficulties" in the various video feeds to the world?

Sometimes news people are just plain stupid:

"There's going to be some damage, but not nearly as significant as a more significant earthquake would have caused." - Wolf Blitzer, CNN

Uh, duh!
Besides a 5.4 quake in California is only really noticed by the new-comers. Long time residents only pause long enough to prevent their latte's from spilling. And it was obviously a slow news day for CNN to give it this much coverage.


All I can say is that I want what ever it is these analysts are toking. Wanna bet they got their detailed analysis from Puff, the magic dragon.

As always, the airlines are seeing to the needs of their passengers. Move your ass. Bitch!

Plans for the North American Union, which never existed anyway, are now officially dead.
Conspiracy theorists claim this is just a disinformation plot to ease our fears.

Have a great day. Get over the hump and its downhill to the weekend.

Thanks for your time.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - JAYNESTOWN (episode 07)

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.


"Let's all be careful out there!"

JULY 29TH

***

Today is Tuesday, July 29, the 211th day of 2008. There are 155 days left in the year.

Today's Highlight in History:

• Fifty years ago, on July 29, 1958, President Eisenhower signed the National Aeronautics and Space Act, which created NASA.

On this date:

• In 1588, the English attacked the Spanish Armada in the Battle of Gravelines, resulting in an English victory.
• In 1890, artist Vincent van Gogh, 37, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Auvers-sur-Oise, France.
• In 1900, Italian King Humbert I was assassinated by an anarchist; he was succeeded by his son, Victor Emmanuel III.
• In 1914, transcontinental telephone service began with the first test phone conversation between New York and San Francisco.
• In 1948, Britain's King George VI opened the Olympic Games in London.
• In 1957, the International Atomic Energy Agency was established.
• In 1957, Jack Paar made his debut as host of NBC's "Tonight Show."
• In 1967, an accidental rocket launch aboard the supercarrier USS Forrestal in the Gulf of Tonkin resulted in a fire and explosions that killed 134 servicemen.
• In 1968, the Vatican issued an encyclical in which Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Catholic Church's opposition to artificial means of contraception.
• In 1981, Britain's Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer at St. Paul's Cathedral in London. (However, the couple divorced in 1996.)

Ten years ago:

• President Clinton reached an agreement with Kenneth Starr to provide grand jury testimony via closed-circuit television in the Monica Lewinsky case.
• Jerome Robbins, one of modern ballet's master choreographers and one of Broadway's major innovators, died in New York at age 79.

Five years ago:

• President Bush refused to release a congressional report on possible links between Saudi Arabian officials and the Sept. 11 hijackers, saying disclosure "would help the enemy" by revealing intelligence sources and methods.
• Boston's Bill Mueller became the first player in major league history to hit grand slams from both sides of the plate in a game and connected for three homers in a 14-7 win at Texas.

One year ago:

• British Prime Minister Gordon Brown arrived at Camp David in Maryland for a private dinner as well as meetings with President Bush.
• Tens of thousands of Iraqis celebrated after Iraq beat three-time champion Saudi Arabia 1-0 to take the Asian Cup.
• Alberto Contador of Spain won the doping-scarred Tour de France.
• Cal Ripken Jr. and Tony Gwynn took their place in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
• TV talk show host and newsman Tom Snyder died in San Francisco at age 71.
• French actor Michel Serrault died in Honfleur, France, at age 79.

Today's Birthdays:

• Comedian Professor Irwin Corey is 94.
• Actor Robert Horton is 84.
• Former Sen. Nancy Kassebaum-Baker, R-Kan., is 76.
• Actor Robert Fuller is 74.
• Sen. Elizabeth H. Dole, R-N.C., is 72.
• Actor David Warner is 67.
• Rock musician Neal Doughty (REO Speedwagon) is 62.
• Marilyn Tucker Quayle, wife of former Vice President Dan Quayle, is 59.
• Actor Mike Starr is 58.
• Documentary maker Ken Burns is 55.
• Style guru Tim Gunn (TV: "Project Runway") is 55.
• Rock singer-musician Geddy Lee (Rush) is 55.
• Rock singer Patti Scialfa (Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band) is 55.
• Actress Alexandra Paul is 45.
• Country singer Martina McBride is 42.
• Rock musician Chris Gorman is 41.
• Actor Rodney Allen Rippy is 40.
• Actor Wil Wheaton is 36.
• Rhythm-and-blues singer Wanya Morris (Boyz II Men) is 35.
• Actor Stephen Dorff is 35.
• Actor Josh Radnor is 34.
• Hip-hop DJ/music producer Danger Mouse is 31.
• Actress Allison Mack is 26.

Thought for Today:

"Man must rise above the Earth — to the top of the atmosphere and beyond — for only thus will he fully understand the world in which he lives."
Socrates, Greek philosopher (469 B.C.E.-399 B.C.E.).

"Let's all be careful out there!"

DAILY CHUCKLE 8-211

"Let's all be careful out there!"

WHEN DUBYA LEAVES OFFICE...

AMERICA WILL HAVE A $482,000,000,000 BUDGET DEFICIT

Another shining example of King Ron's "trickle down" theory of economics. The last three years of "slick Willie's" time we had budget surpluses.

And speaking of budget crisis, California's governator is going to sign an executive order today, reducing some 200,000 state employee salaries to the federal minimum wage. ($6.55 hr). This is in response to the State legislature's failure to pass a balanced budget. Which was due on July 1st.

Next time you're out on the road, keep this in mind:

• 1 in 4 of the nation's bridges need repair.

Something to ponder on while on "the super-slab", with all those overpasses, underpasses and viaducts.

Well, that news item being hinted at in yesterday's release by Google about how big the web is, was the start up of a new search engine called Cuil. Click the link and its sparseness is a hint that former Google emgineers had a hand in this. Alledgedly this one uses more sophisticated algorithms. If Cuil lives up to its rep, Google will have decent competition and MSN & Yahoo! will slip further into the graveyard of archaic and unused search engines.

He's 80 years old. A former Olympian. And was given a "stern taking to" for running up the "down" escalator. So, the British have laws against being a "contrarian"? Give me a frakkin break.

Huh?

Went to the county fair last night. I didn't get home until almost 1 am. Hence the late delivery of today's post.

Have a fantastic day. Thanks for your time.

"Let's all be careful out there!"

FIREFLY - OUR MRS. REYNOLDS (episode 06)

I have moved all my Firefly episodes to my other blog.

Just click here.

These episodes are now independent of the Hulu feed and will not continuously disappear.



"Let's all be careful out there!"