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A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect...12 below (-24c), no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage."
So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while.
She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.
The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk. "It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift." ..
"So, how'd you break your arm?"
"Let's all be careful out there!"
This is what the world would look like if all the ice melted, causing a 100 meter rise in sea level
This is the maximum that the world could ever see. I mean, there is only so much water on earth. So, how in the hell do bible-thumpers claim that Noah's ark rests on Mt. Ararat in Turkey? There isn't now, nor has there ever been, enough water to do that. As far as the "world flood" myth? Again, IMPOSSIBLE! The story of Noah has as much credence as that movie 2012 - NONE.
"Let's all be careful out there!"
Here it is the last day of April. 1/3 of the year already gone.
To be honest with you, I didn't think I would still be around. For those few who care, the colon cancer seems to be gone from my abdomen but a mutated variant has appeared in my right lung. Yes, its a cancer in the lung but its not lung cancer. More than a semantic difference. This thing is slow growing and I am scheduled for another CT scan this Wednesday (5/5/10). From there a determination will be made as to whether I have surgery or, if they find other traces of it elsewhere, go back for another, but different, round of chemo. I have been off all meds since the middle of September. The only major residual side-effect of the last round is loss of feeling in my hands and feet. Its something nicknamed the "woolen sock" syndrome. It makes me rather reluctant to get around much since I can't sense the ground I am treading on. Doc says it should go away in 2 or 3 years, maybe. Oh, well. Feces occurs.
I know I haven't posted many words here lately but I just haven't really had anything worth saying. My thanks to those of you who still manage to drop by on occasion. You know, I started this blog just for my pleasure back in '03 and then it really grew when it became a "Cab-Blog" in '06. Now its just for my pleasure again. Don't forget to drop by my other place when you can. Almost1,200 movies available.
"Let's all be careful out there!"
We all heard about the shaker in China. Did anyone get the news about the one in Spain? I guess I wasn't on the cc: for that one.Update time = Wed Apr 14 16:46:40 UTC 2010 (for the latest, up-to-the-minute list CLICK)MAG UTC DATE-TIMEy/m/d h:m:s Region5.0 2010/04/14 08:16:24 IZU ISLANDS, JAPAN REGION5.0 2010/04/14 05:16:17 GUERRERO, MEXICO5.8 2010/04/14 01:25:15 SOUTHERN QINGHAI, CHINA5.1 2010/04/14 01:16:59 SOUTHWEST INDIAN RIDGE5.0 2010/04/14 00:18:30 ALAMAGAN REG., NORTHERN MARIANA ISLANDS5.2 2010/04/14 00:12:25 SOUTHERN QINGHAI, CHINA5.3 2010/04/14 00:01:17 SOUTHERN QINGHAI, CHINA
6.9 2010/04/13 23:49:38 SOUTHERN QINGHAI, CHINA5.0 2010/04/13 21:40:00 SOUTHERN QINGHAI, CHINA5.4 2010/04/13 20:27:02 SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS REGION5.3 2010/04/13 20:14:59 NICOBAR ISLANDS, INDIA REGION5.0 2010/04/13 15:46:38 SOLOMON ISLANDS5.4 2010/04/13 00:55:42 NEW IRELAND REGION, PAPUA NEW GUINEA
5.0 2010/04/12 12:36:48 SOUTHEAST OF EASTER ISLAND5.7 2010/04/12 10:23:15 WEST OF MACQUARIE ISLAND5.0 2010/04/12 07:57:23 SVALBARD REGION5.0 2010/04/12 05:51:31 NORTHERN PERU
6.3 2010/04/11 22:08:11 SPAIN5.3 2010/04/11 13:02:14 RYUKYU ISLANDS, JAPAN5.0 2010/04/11 10:28:07 LIBERTADOR O'HIGGINS, CHILE6.8 2010/04/11 09:40:31 SOLOMON ISLANDS5.4 2010/04/11 08:45:16 NEW BRITAIN REGION, PAPUA NEW GUINEA5.2 2010/04/11 05:59:29 SOUTHWEST OF SUMATRA, INDONESIA5.6 2010/04/11 04:57:29 TAIWAN REGION5.0 2010/04/11 03:25:49 SOUTHERN EAST PACIFIC RISE5.7 2010/04/11 02:19:07 SANTA CRUZ ISLANDS
5.9 2010/04/10 16:54:25 FIJI REGION5.5 2010/04/10 15:06:33 ANTOFAGASTA, CHILE5.7 2010/04/10 06:30:03 WEST CHILE RISE5.1 2010/04/10 06:16:12 NEAR NORTH COAST OF NEW GUINEA, P.N.G.5.1 2010/04/10 05:06:44 SOUTHEAST OF EASTER ISLAND5.3 2010/04/10 02:53:24 KEPULAUAN BABAR, INDONESIA
5.0 2010/04/09 23:11:59 OFF THE COAST OF ECUADOR5.8 2010/04/09 22:23:00 LA RIOJA, ARGENTINA5.3 2010/04/09 16:34:26 EASTERN NEW GUINEA REG, PAPUA NEW GUINEA5.1 2010/04/09 06:04:22 TONGA5.3 2010/04/08 16:44:26 BAJA CALIFORNIA, MEXICO5.0 2010/04/08 08:58:21 SUNDA STRAIT, INDONESIA5.0 2010/04/08 04:26:09 KERMADEC ISLANDS REGION
Most recent earthquakes are at the top of this list.
I have added the wonderful SyFy mini-series TAKEN to the CULT-TV section of my other blog, the HOME THEATER CENTER.
That's right, besides 1,000 movies I also have some unique and quirky TV shows available. Band of Brothers. Firefly. Defying Gravity (including the 5 episodes not shown on American television). Coming up, in the near future, I will be adding Dead Like Me and FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOONSo, take a moment and drop on over. I think you'll enjoy whats available.
I was compiling movies for my other blog and was adding My Girl 2 for publication this weekend. Looking at the image of sweet little Anna Chlumsky it dawned on me how old that movie was and, gee, she must be all grown up now. 
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The coach finally had put-together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. Only thing missing was a good quarterback. He'd scouted all the colleges, and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching Fox News, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand- grenade straight-into a 15-story window 100-yards away.
KAH-BOOM!!!He threw another hand-grenade 75-yards away, right into a chimney !!!
KAH-BLOOEY!!!Then he threw another one at a passing car doing 90 mph --
BULLS -EYE!"I've GOT to get this guy!", the coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!".
So he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football. And, when the coach asks him what he wants, all that the young man wants is to call his mother!
"Mom!", he screams into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!".
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says, "You are NOT my son!".
"I don't think you understand, Mother", the young man pleads, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the WORLD! I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans!!!".
"NO!! Let me tell you!", his mother sharply retorts. "At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!".
The old lady pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never, EVER forgive you for making us move to Oakland".
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.If you didn't do well, that's okay. Just turn off your 'puter and go back to watching those "educational" reality TV programs everyone is so fond of.
Boxing2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
Niagara Falls3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute)
Asparagus and rhubarb4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
Strawberry5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
It grew inside the bottle.6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems
Dwarf, dwell and dwindle7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar.
Can you name at least half of them?Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe,question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellip ses8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
Lettuce9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar.
Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
From a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen..
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Require a wheel chair for patients being discharged However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
To his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'
Went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Those who fail to learn history correctly--
Why they are simply doomed.
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