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Wednesday, August 06, 2008

"THAT WRINKLY WHITE-HAIRED GUY"

PARIS HILTON RESPONDS TO McCAIN


Funny, but sorry Paris. You have to be at least 35 years old to be President. And, with the aid of the worlds best plastic surgeons, you won't reach that age for another 40 or 50 years. I am amazed though that she sounded even more eloquent that either candidate. And her idea makes sense. Now if she could just do something about her bladder control problem while in cabs. Of course it could be worse. At least she doesn't shit on people like Dubya does. And when she gets on her knees to apologize for America's sins against the world, you know there's going to be a line around the block waiting to accept the gesture. And if we video and sell it on the web, we could balance the budget.

This is McCain's latest TV spot promo:

Strange, back in January he was telling us how much better off America was then than 8 years ago. Now he telling us that we are worse off now than 4 years ago and America is broken. I guess his witch doctors changed his meds. Poor wrinkly, white-haired guy.

Ted Stevens, the Republican Senator from Alaska who wanted to build a "bridge-to-nowhere" and in now under indictment for accepting (non-reported) gifts from oil companies, is up for reelection this year. That explains why he joins 5 other Senators in skipping this cycle's GOP convention. Oh, rumors are that "dead-eye" Dick Cheney won't be attending either. Ever get the feeling that his undisclosed secured retreat is the VIP lounge at Gitmo, where he gets his rocks off watching the interrogations "live"?

The water that was discovered on Mars last week might be like a watering hole in Death Valley. You know, the ones with the cattle skulls littered ominiously around the rim. Turns out that it was chuck full of "percolate". A salt mineral that most species would find poisonous here on Earth. But we already know from terrestrial observations that life here seems to adapt to that type of glitch. At least on the microbial level.



Back on August 28, 1859, a solar superstorm occurred that disrupted telegraphs and allowed the auras to be seen as far south as the tip of Florida. If that happened today, we would all revert back to that age's level of technology in a matter of seconds. It would probably fry your car's electronics. Wipeout satellites, disrupt electrical service globally. Only those few military installations and equipment with emp protection would continue to function. And have no one to communicate with other than each other. We have really bad solar storms every 50 years or so and "super solar storms" every 500 years. We are entering that time cycle again.

You might not be a drug user but there is a good chance those bills in your wallet might have been handled in the drug trade.

TSA will now allow you to leave your laptop in its carrycase, if said case is one approved by that agency. Probably did this so its easier for them to handle the laptops they confiscate.

At the end of this story they list the criminal charges pending against the lanlord. What he probably doesn't realize is that these folks have a really great civil case at their finger tips also. Like good enough that they'll own most of what the landlord has. But considering this idiots anger management issues, he'll probably just have them killed.


"Let's all be careful out there!"