WASN'T "MR PHELPS"

THE LEADER OF THE IMF TEAM
ON MISSION IMPOSSIBLE?

When television is good, nothing--not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers--nothing is better.

But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite you to sit down in front of your television set when your station goes on the air and stay there without a book, magazine, newspaper, profit and-loss sheet or rating book to distract you--and keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland.

You will see a procession of game shows, violence, audience-participation shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western badmen, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence and cartoons. And, endlessly, commercials--many screaming, cajoling and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you will see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, try it.

- Newton Minnow's famous 1961 speech to the National Association of Broadcasters.

And 47 years later, nothing has changed. Except for the amount of screaming, obnoxious ads per hour.


A new entrant in my Lex Luthor Doesn't Exist (LLDE) column.

Ah, the perfect combination for fun and games. Tourist meccas that want your money and tourists who never want to be sober. What could possibly go wrong?

• Stealing a car: Bad.
• Leaving it parked in your driveway: Unwise.
• Leaving the ATM, that you used a stolen forklift to rip-off, in your sideyard: Stupid.
• Oh, and the receipt for the down payment on the new jeep: PRICELESS.

Hi there, boys & girls. In today's lesson on world economics we are going to learn how Russians shop for new cars while on holiday. And then we will discuss the meaning of the phrase "War is hell!"

"If the police can identify you, they can make a charge"

Now this sounds like an enforcement action that I could get a grip hand on. Of course if this isn't about the stupidest statement a gov't leader could make. Sorry, but "Mission Accomplished" falls in a whole "nuther" category.

Okay, what has come over the female teachers in our country? Seems like we get a new episode of this every month.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Thanks for the visit.

"Let's all be careful out there!"