A PERFECT (WOMAN'S) WORLD

FOR THE LADIES









Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

CELEBRATIES

DON'T I KNOW YOU?


Saw where Melissa, aka: NEW YORK HACK picked up Jon Stewart.

That got me trying to remember the celebs that I've hauled over the years. Most were unimpressive. Just ordinary folks whom fate has shoved into the public eye.

• Britney Spears


• Justin Timberlake


• Ray Ramano


• Jason Sehorn


• Angie Harmon


• Jennifer Lopez


• Eddie Murphy


• Mike Tyson


• Arnold Schwarzenegger


• Maria Shriver


• George Noory


• Sally Fields


• Sharon Stone

I know there are more but I can't remember who.

On Mau'i, celebs are "a dime a dozen" and you tend to become non-pulsed. Some are nice, some aren't. Just like every other fare we cabbies haul. They're all just human beings. The ones not full of themselves are generally the best.

Why do celebs take taxis rather than a limo?

Because when a limo pulls up anywhere, people gawk to see if they recognize who is getting out. When a taxi pulls up, people don't give it a second glance and the celebs can go about their R&R with little notice.

---

STILL 5 BEERS

Never did open that beer or the gin.

Like I said, I seldom drink alcohol.

Must be a personality flaw or sumptin'.

---

Blogger/Blogspot is still having issues with their new hardware/software. Seems like the more they fix it, the worse it becomes. [sigh]



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

TWO SWEET KIDS

Me and my "ex". Summer of 1966.
Her birthday is tomorrow, the 13th.

---

MY WEEKEND

I have been so tired lately that I slept all of Sunday. Woke up about 11:00pm and went back to bed about 5:00am Monday morning and slept until 2:00pm this afternoon.

With no plans for today, I might actually turn on my TV for awhile. With the schedule I work and the time differences for the satellite/cable feeds from the mainland I usually have 78 channels of "info-mercials" to watch.

The trade winds have died off for a bit and you know you are in the "tropics". Very hot and humid. My apartment doesn't have a/c but the windows are open and the fans are running, moving sticky air from one place to another. I am drinking a lot of iced tea. I seldom drink alcohol. In fact, I bought a 6-pack of beer around New Years and there are still 5 bottles left in the fridge. Might be 4 after tonight. Or maybe a nice gin'n'tonic later.

Talk to y'all tomorrow.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

40th ANNIVERSARY

JUNE 10, 1966

Saturday marked the 40th anniversary of my high school graduation. I don't think the "me" then could even begin to comprehend the "me" now.

I had taken a young girl classmate on the senior "skip" day to the "Santa Cruz Beach & Boardwalk" two days earlier. Our first date. We were also going to the senior's overnight graduation party, at the local bowling alley, that night. She was sweet, cuddley, as sarcastic as me and she kissed good.

18 months later, we were married.

20-1/2 years after that we divorced.

Sorry, but this reflection on the past has been bouncing through my mind all night. There was a lot that I was going to write about but its best to just let the past fade into fond memories.

Auld Lang Syne.

---

LAST NIGHT

When I get pissed, I tend to also get very profane, as one driver found out last night. I hate it when someone screws up and then tries to blame everyone/everything else in the universe for their error. I detest rationalizers. To make matters even worse, he came back after I had chewed him out, stuck his hand in my car window saying,

"You said your piece and I said mine. Lets call it even."

"Unless you want that arm ripped off and shoved up your ass, you had better take it out of my face. You are an amicable, socialable person who is also a two-faced lying SOB and you have the mental capacity of a gerbil. When you have the guts to publicly admit you screwed up, then we'll talk. Now get the fuck away from me."

He went home about 20 minutes later.

* * *
The shift was very slow until about 11:00pm. By that time the day-shift drivers had finally left and Mary M. was on an extended "West-side" roundtrip. That left Harden, TMR Alex and me and the phone started ringing, and ringing and ringing. We ran our o'koles off for the next three hours. The number of trips and the meter total was on par with Friday night.

Next week should be active since all the hotels are overbooked through the "Fourth of July".

* * *
The strangest run of the shift was a pickup from the MPD substation in Kihei. An "ice-head". The trip was only a bit over 1 mile but he was so freaky and agitated that I moved "Maggie" from her normal resting place to my lap. When we arrived at the stated destination he told me to pull just a little further forward. Then forward again. The forward some more. The street we were on is only one very short block long. We finally reached the far end and he wants me to turn left and go a little further.

NO WAY!

I locked the doors and told him that this is as far as we are going. Pay me my $8.00. It took a few moments for the message to be processed by his brain. Just as I expected he moved rapidly to his right, trying to open his passenger door.

A "runner"!

The look on his face when the door didn't open was priceless. He looked back at me, still trying to process his options.

"Maggie" was now in plain view.

He slumped in his seat. Defeated. Tossed $20.00 on the center armrests and I released the door locks.

I didn't wait for him to close the door. Just punched the accelerator and let inertia do it's job.

Later I crossed paths with the MPD Sgt. who had been waiting with my fare when I made the pickup and told him what had occurred.

"You got paid though, right?"

"Yeah, with a $12 tip."

He just smiled and walked away.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

I NEED A BETTER THESAURUS

MORE OF THE SAME

With just a week til the summer tourist season kicks off, I am having trouble finding ways to describe these boring periods. My biggest run of the night was $17.30 and the smallest was $4.40. Ended the shift with 17 runs (7 of which came after 2:00am) and that is the only reason I made any money. Every run of the shift was a bar run (to/from).

---

WAILEA KAI


Wailea Kai is the first "gated" community on south Kihei road after you enter Wailea. The homes are in the $20+ million range. Populated by people who want to live in paradise but want to isolate themselves from the general public. The "ivory tower" syndrome.


I love their iconic speed limit signs. Not a legal sign. Not a legal speed limit. Not enforceable by the local police, since these roadways are not part of the county road system and are privately maintained by the homeowners association.

Picked up a couple from the Sports Page early in the shift and brought them home to here. I had them as a fare maybe twice in the past two years. They were nice enough and tipped generously but they kept insisting, like I really gave a shit, that they each had only consumed one drink during the evening.

I won't say they were prevaricating but I would like to know what that "one" drink was. I'd buy a case. Their level of intoxication was definately in the "I only had two beers, Officer" cliche.

---

YESTERDAY'S "COP" POST

Mahalo to Shadow, gnightgirl and jeepgirl. As you know, each of those lines are the absolute truth. Definately not "politically correct" but still the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The one that always torqued my jaws was #24

You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

My wife and I could never attend any casual social function without this happening. And eventually some activist idiot would whine to me, in front of the other guests, about some ticket he had received in the past. Trying to rationalize that it was the officer's fault and error for stopping and needlessly harassing such a decent and upstanding citizen as himself.

When this first happened, I would be sympathetic but as the years passed, my attitude changed.

"You really do suffer from a bad case of rectal-myopia. Were you as much of an asshole then as you are now? You fucked up dude. Get some balls and face up to your responsibilities like a man. Now, shut up and get the fuck out of my face."

As the years passed, we usually only attended cop or family functions. Mostly because people would invite my wife but dis-invite me.

If people want to live in "Fantasyland" they can move to Disney World.

---

SPECIAL FOR FREDDYBEACH CABBY

I also noticed that the room for your main computer for paradise driver is so clean...how do you do it? You should see my computer room/hide out!

LOL!
It's all in how I framed the shot.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

THE DEAF BOOKKEEPER

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.

Don't ya just love lawyers?



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

YOU MIGHT BE A COP, IF...

1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.

2. You have ever handcuffed someone and it was not a sexual experience.

3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.

4. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.

5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.

6. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

7. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

8. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.

9. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

10. You have your weekends off planned for a year.

11. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,

"Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

13. A little "stick time" has nothing to do with baseball.

14. You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.

15. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled:

"Suicide...getting it right the first time."

16. You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

17. Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

18. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

19. The person you're speaking with states,

"That's not mine. I have no idea how that got there."

20. You believe anyone who says,

"I only had two beers"

is going to blow more than a 0.15.

21. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.

22. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.

23. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.

24. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

25. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their buddy and shout,

"They've come to get you, Bill."

26. You do not see daylight from November until May.

27. People shout,

"I didn't do it!"

when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.

28. You've ever started a sentence with the phrase

"We had this awesome dead body earlier. You should have seen it."

29. A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.

30. You've ever referred to Thursday as "My Monday".

31. You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.

32. Anyone has ever said,

"There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."

33. You always sit with your back to the wall.

34. You've ever used the statement:

"I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6"

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

ANOTHER VACUOUS SHIFT

HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...

Very, very quiet last night. And what few runs there were, were split between nine cabs. 4 dayshift holdovers, 1 casual and 4 night drivers. The day drivers stayed on until 11:00pm-12:00 midnight. The casual left at 1;00am. 1 night gave up at 1:30am. The other 2 left at 2:00am and 2:30am. My solo hours generated 2 runs. Finished the shift with 14 runs and the same $ amount as the prior two nights.

My two best tips of the night were from an Australian and some lasses from Ireland. The girls said that no one tips in Ireland but friends had told them about it. Gave $20.00 on a $12.20.

---

TAKE TWO...

Two really vivacious RN's


~ Laurie & Lizzie ~

Took these two very pretty ladies from The Grand to the "Triangle" last night and brought them back this morning at bar close. They leave today to return to the mainland. But they are smart and have left some time to recuperate from their vacation before returning to work on Wednesday. Both are nurses. I forgot to ask where they lived. By the number of people who had to tell them "goodnight" before we could leave the "Triangle", I would say that they made an outstanding impression.

---

WYLAND GALLERY


Their entry is interesting and beautiful. Located in The Shops Of Wailea.

---

MAU'I DEER

We have a herd (is that the correct multiple?) of deer that habituate the Wailea and Makena areas. You see them frequently grazing along the edge of the road bordering the golf courses. They are hard to get a picture of. Click the photos below for the larger image and you'll barely be able to distinquish one doe fleeing into the brush. I'll keep trying for a better pic. This one was a quick "point and shoot".

The original shot.


Cropped:

I ran the cropped pic through PHOTOSHOP and INFANVIEW to get an enhanced enlargement.

---

NEW LAPTOP

Had fun with it last night. I was amazed at how many open access wi-fi "hot spots" there are in Kihei. Must be thousands. In the Pi'ilani Village Shopping Center I found nearly 25 different sources!

Played with it so long that I ran the battery down and it went into "hibernation" mode. Since I dispatch the next two shifts, I am going to leave it home.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"