I NEED A BETTER THESAURUS

MORE OF THE SAME

With just a week til the summer tourist season kicks off, I am having trouble finding ways to describe these boring periods. My biggest run of the night was $17.30 and the smallest was $4.40. Ended the shift with 17 runs (7 of which came after 2:00am) and that is the only reason I made any money. Every run of the shift was a bar run (to/from).

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WAILEA KAI


Wailea Kai is the first "gated" community on south Kihei road after you enter Wailea. The homes are in the $20+ million range. Populated by people who want to live in paradise but want to isolate themselves from the general public. The "ivory tower" syndrome.


I love their iconic speed limit signs. Not a legal sign. Not a legal speed limit. Not enforceable by the local police, since these roadways are not part of the county road system and are privately maintained by the homeowners association.

Picked up a couple from the Sports Page early in the shift and brought them home to here. I had them as a fare maybe twice in the past two years. They were nice enough and tipped generously but they kept insisting, like I really gave a shit, that they each had only consumed one drink during the evening.

I won't say they were prevaricating but I would like to know what that "one" drink was. I'd buy a case. Their level of intoxication was definately in the "I only had two beers, Officer" cliche.

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YESTERDAY'S "COP" POST

Mahalo to Shadow, gnightgirl and jeepgirl. As you know, each of those lines are the absolute truth. Definately not "politically correct" but still the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The one that always torqued my jaws was #24

You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

My wife and I could never attend any casual social function without this happening. And eventually some activist idiot would whine to me, in front of the other guests, about some ticket he had received in the past. Trying to rationalize that it was the officer's fault and error for stopping and needlessly harassing such a decent and upstanding citizen as himself.

When this first happened, I would be sympathetic but as the years passed, my attitude changed.

"You really do suffer from a bad case of rectal-myopia. Were you as much of an asshole then as you are now? You fucked up dude. Get some balls and face up to your responsibilities like a man. Now, shut up and get the fuck out of my face."

As the years passed, we usually only attended cop or family functions. Mostly because people would invite my wife but dis-invite me.

If people want to live in "Fantasyland" they can move to Disney World.

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SPECIAL FOR FREDDYBEACH CABBY

I also noticed that the room for your main computer for paradise driver is so clean...how do you do it? You should see my computer room/hide out!

LOL!
It's all in how I framed the shot.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

THE DEAF BOOKKEEPER

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.

Don't ya just love lawyers?



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

YOU MIGHT BE A COP, IF...

1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.

2. You have ever handcuffed someone and it was not a sexual experience.

3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.

4. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.

5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.

6. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

7. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

8. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.

9. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

10. You have your weekends off planned for a year.

11. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,

"Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

13. A little "stick time" has nothing to do with baseball.

14. You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.

15. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled:

"Suicide...getting it right the first time."

16. You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

17. Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

18. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

19. The person you're speaking with states,

"That's not mine. I have no idea how that got there."

20. You believe anyone who says,

"I only had two beers"

is going to blow more than a 0.15.

21. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.

22. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places.

23. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.

24. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

25. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their buddy and shout,

"They've come to get you, Bill."

26. You do not see daylight from November until May.

27. People shout,

"I didn't do it!"

when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.

28. You've ever started a sentence with the phrase

"We had this awesome dead body earlier. You should have seen it."

29. A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.

30. You've ever referred to Thursday as "My Monday".

31. You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.

32. Anyone has ever said,

"There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."

33. You always sit with your back to the wall.

34. You've ever used the statement:

"I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6"

Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

ANOTHER VACUOUS SHIFT

HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...

Very, very quiet last night. And what few runs there were, were split between nine cabs. 4 dayshift holdovers, 1 casual and 4 night drivers. The day drivers stayed on until 11:00pm-12:00 midnight. The casual left at 1;00am. 1 night gave up at 1:30am. The other 2 left at 2:00am and 2:30am. My solo hours generated 2 runs. Finished the shift with 14 runs and the same $ amount as the prior two nights.

My two best tips of the night were from an Australian and some lasses from Ireland. The girls said that no one tips in Ireland but friends had told them about it. Gave $20.00 on a $12.20.

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TAKE TWO...

Two really vivacious RN's


~ Laurie & Lizzie ~

Took these two very pretty ladies from The Grand to the "Triangle" last night and brought them back this morning at bar close. They leave today to return to the mainland. But they are smart and have left some time to recuperate from their vacation before returning to work on Wednesday. Both are nurses. I forgot to ask where they lived. By the number of people who had to tell them "goodnight" before we could leave the "Triangle", I would say that they made an outstanding impression.

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WYLAND GALLERY


Their entry is interesting and beautiful. Located in The Shops Of Wailea.

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MAU'I DEER

We have a herd (is that the correct multiple?) of deer that habituate the Wailea and Makena areas. You see them frequently grazing along the edge of the road bordering the golf courses. They are hard to get a picture of. Click the photos below for the larger image and you'll barely be able to distinquish one doe fleeing into the brush. I'll keep trying for a better pic. This one was a quick "point and shoot".

The original shot.


Cropped:

I ran the cropped pic through PHOTOSHOP and INFANVIEW to get an enhanced enlargement.

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NEW LAPTOP

Had fun with it last night. I was amazed at how many open access wi-fi "hot spots" there are in Kihei. Must be thousands. In the Pi'ilani Village Shopping Center I found nearly 25 different sources!

Played with it so long that I ran the battery down and it went into "hibernation" mode. Since I dispatch the next two shifts, I am going to leave it home.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

PRIDE OF HAWAII

IN THE DAYLIGHT



Looks like Wednesday will be its Port-Of-Call at Kahului

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THE RIDE BACK TO KIHEI


West Mau'i Mountains, looking into the Iao Valley (second wettest place on the face of the planet).


Three miles straight ahead is the Iao Valley.
Intersection of Main and High in Wailuku.


Junction SR-30 & SR-310, near Ma'alaea.


Freshly harvested cane field.


SR-310, looking south towards Kihei/Wailea/Makena.

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SPICES




Spices is located at the entrance to the Mau'i Coast Hotel complex, in Kihei. This may be a hidden secret since I seldom take anyone there but those I've picked up from Spices rave about the food. Hmmmm.

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NEW COMPUTER


I traded up from the "ToShitBa" yesterday. This is a HP Pavillion notebook. Came with an encasement stand that the notebook plugs into. The encasement allows the use of a "bluetooth" wireless keyboard and mouse (included). Plan to take it (just the notebook) on the road tonight and start searching for wi-fi "hotspots". Hopefully we'll be too busy for that.
Yeah, right.


This is the main computer for PARADISE DRIVER.

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LAST NIGHT

The unscheduled run to the harbor this morning was the only reason I metered over $100.00 (ouch). It made the previous shift seem busy. Finished the night with a total of 8 runs.

The summer tourist season should be starting two weekends from now. I can hardly wait.



Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"

BORING!!!

JUST WATCHING THE SNAILS


The night actually started off on a good foot. Four nice dinner runs, BANG BANG BANG BANG. Then 8:30pm rolls around and the world stops. Two bars in the "Triangle" closed early for lack of business. Next run wasn't until 1:00am. When the other drivers quit at 2:00am I had 6 runs on my log.

But my biggest challenge of the night still lay ahead.

Here was my problem:

• 4:30am - run to OGG


• 4:30am - in-town run


• 5:00am - run to OGG


• 5:00am - in-town run

Since I am the only cab on the southside at those hours and it takes about 1 hour to do the roundtrip to OGG, I was in trouble. Called my relief, Flor, and offered him the first OGG if he would come in early.. He accepted and I covered the other 4:30. Picked up the 5:00am OGG and had to let the other run slide. That was a shame since that fare is a lady we regularly take to and from work at one of the hotels in Wailea. Couldn't contact any of the other "early" day drivers by phone and had to wait until the 5:30am driver checked in to dispatch that run. I am sure she was pissed. I know I was. My OGG metered out at $32.90 and the guy gave me $33.00 and "keep the change."

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WITH 6 YOU GET EGGROLL


Art, the owner, will have his hands full this afternoon. The Grand called me around 3:45am. They had a lady on another line requesting that she and her party be picked up this afternoon, at OGG. She was in her departure airport, preparing to board her flight.

"No worry, Feliza. We do that all the time."

"Uh, but Wil, there are 30 people in her party."

"Not a problem. I'll have 6 cabs waiting for them and someone standing at the security exit with their name on a sign."

"Thats great. I'll let her know."

In that brief moment between finding out there were 30 people in the party and telling Feliza we would cover it, my mind calculated how many vans we would need for 30 people, plus their assorted luggage, and figured the odds of haveing 6 cabs available. I don't think there was a perceptable pause in my response. Most of us do this multiple times a day without even thinking about it. It is frustrating to deal with someone who is agonizingly slow in making a decision. Very linear thought patterns.

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PIECE OF SHIT


After dinner at Judy and Dave's place on Monday, I stopped by Radio Shack and saw that they had a notebook on clearance sale. I bought it. A bad decision.

It is a TOSHIBA "Satellite L20/L25 series". Came with an instruction manual that was worthless. Lacking clear information on anything. Took 24 hours to find the unlabeled and unreferenced Wi-Fi switch. After getting onto the net the system would lockup within 5 minutes. 20 times I had to unplug the power cord, remove the battery, wait 30 seconds, replace the battery and reconnect the power cord and then restart.

I am taking it back this afternoon and exchanging it for a different, and more expensive, HP notebook. You get what you pay for.

Sorry for no pics tonight. Nothing happened.




Later.....

Wil
=8^))
"Let's all be careful out there!"