Paradise Driver

Monday, January 22, 2007

SLUMBERING SUNDAY

THAT PRETTY WELL SUMS IT UP

Finished Saturday's shift and was home by 5:30am. I had consumed so much caffine during the night that slepp was the furthest thing from my mind. Posted to the blog, read all of those who I visit everyday and checked out the news. As the morning wore on, I listened to my neighborhood come to life. The sounds of kids playing is my favorite. So much energy. So much zest for life. Each day brings a new adventure and learning experience. Not a care in the world. No worries, whatever the problem they know that Mommy and Daddy will be able to fix it.

I wouldn't say that I am happy with my life but I am satisfied with it. Like everyone else, I have made some major blunders but every decision eventually led me to Mau'i and for that I am grateful.

Still, wouldn't it be nice to revisit our childhood, if just for a day, to experience life again without the jaded edge that we all develop with age.

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CALLING IN SICK

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

THE PICTURE GALLERY

LANA'I

The Island Of Lana'i

Former Pineapple Fields

Hulopo'e Bay And Beach

Lodge At Ko'ele

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"Let's all be careful out there!"

Sunday, January 21, 2007

SATISFYING SATURDAY

SLOW START - BUSY FINISH

Sat around for 1/2 hour before my first run. After it, I returned to Wailea and sat for another 95 minutes. The second fare of the night set the tone for the rest of my evening.

Harden (#25) and I were assigned to pick up 8 people from the Mana Kai and return them to The Grand. Harden's cab is a Chevrolet Astrovan, which can hold a maximum of 7 passengers. Quite often, when we have to get 8 people, they all try to pile in the van to save on the second cab fare. We won't allow that. Besides being illegal, it screws the second driver out of his fair fare. These folks weren't like that. When we arrived the major discussion was who was going to get to ride in the Mercury and who would have to ride in the Paris Hilton "piss-mobile".

The fare for that trip is $9.50. When we arrived, Hardens people gave him $20 and "keep the change". Over 100% tip!! Of course, I didn't know this until later. I did my usual 7-minute performance of "talk story" with them asking some very intelligent questions of me. The guy riding "shotgun" handed me two "bills" when we arrived, with the appreciated "keep the change" rejoiner. I glanced at the bank notes, expecting to see two $5s (cheap-ass SOBs), or a $10 and a $5 (standard). I did a double-take we I spied two $20s there instead.
"Uh, sir. This is $40!
"I know. Just our way off thanking you for the service you provided as a police officer. It's the least we can do."
I caught myself doing a "drop jaw" reaction just before I was half way through it. A $30.50 tip!!
I shook his hand, something I very seldom do, and expressed my profound gratitude.
"No. Thank you." was his rejoinder. "Cops, past and present, are never told that often enough."

To all my cop readers, I share this with you.

The night only got better from there.

Of course, at the other end of the night, I had to deal with the usual "asshole". Can't really get through a weekend night without one of those. Assigned to a pickup at the far north end of town. A solo male going to a residence in the center of town. Pull up and he is outside, waiting. He opens the front passenger door and starts to get in.

"Back seat, please"

was my response. He stopped and just stared at me.

"I want to sit in front."
"Sorry, sir, but the front seat has all my stuff on it. Backseat please."

He closes the front door and opens the rear one.

"Kimo always lets me sit in front."
"I am sure he does, sir, but I am not Kimo and I prefer my passengers to sit in the rear. Where are we headed to?"
"I want to go to Halama Street and I want to go to Jack-In-The-Box."

Jack-In-The-Box is a fast food "choke and puke" and, at 1:00am, only their drive-thru is open. At that time of the morning, bar close, the line wait is typically 30 minutes or more.

"I am sorry, sir, but I don't do the drive-thru and the walk-in is closed."
"You know what? I don't like your attitude."
"There has not been any attitude, sir. You have made some requests and I have very politely declined them. Which I have the legal right to do."

He steps back out of ONE-NINE, holding the door open, and begins to berate me, my children, my parents and my dog. You can fill in his eloquent statements for yourself.
I could see that he was building up his anger to perform the proverbial

"DOOR SLAM".

"You want to see attitude, sir?"

And I punched the gas pedal just enough to get some tire spin, jerking the door out of his hand, spraying him with gravel and letting inertia do its job.

Advised radio that this was a "10-13" (no load) and proceeded on to the next assignment.

At bar close you definitely make no money at 30-cents per minute "waiting time" in some long line as opposed to 30-cents per 1/10th of a mile driving. Also, everyone seems to suddenly forget that I do not allow anyone to eat in my cab. I don't even get a car length from the pick-up window before I can hear them reaching for (and dropping) their french fries (chips) all over the floor and seat. And wiping their greasy hands all over the leather interior.

I probably do have an "attitude" but it has been borne of just cause and experience.

*** *** ***

I am taking my two favorite ladies out to dinner on Monday.

THE PICTURE GALLERY

***

"Let's all be careful out there!"

Saturday, January 20, 2007

FANTASTIC FRIDAY

THIS IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE

Logged on at 7:02pm and was sent for an OGG run from The Grand at 7:03pm. Had loaded the luggage by 7:10pm and then I waited. The "Top Of The House" staff had told them to wait in the entry foyer and someone would come get them when I arrived. At 20 after they finally came back out to check on their cab (me) and we were on our way by 22 after.

As soon as I returned to Wailea, I had a run from The Grand to Maui Memorial Medical Center (MMMC), the only hospital on the island. Also had the return on this one at 11:00pm.

Most of our cabs were out of the area handling 3 fares to Mama's in Pa'ia and a run to the "west side". What few vehicles we had left were doing OGG runs.

Art, the owner, maintained control of the phone until 9:45pm, for which I was grateful. When he transferred it over, there was just Alex (#27) and me and five fares pending. All the dinner returns were completed by 11:00pm and the three day cabs headed for the barn, followed shortly afterwards by Harden (#25).
"Crazy" Brian (#09), Alex and I stayed very steady through "bar close". The requests were coming in just as one of us would be clearing a job. This continued through my solo hours (2:00am to 5:00am). I drove 195 miles (314 km) during my 9-1/2 hours. Trust me, for the small area I work, that is a lot.

The most fun trip was the one to and from MMMC. A young couple, he had injured (laceration) his head in a fall but did not need to be transported by an ambulance. On-scene medical care had been provided by paramedics and they told him he needed some stitches. They actually used staples at the ER. Turned out he is a police officer from one of the larger cities in the county where I was a Deputy Sheriff. We "talked story" both ways. It was pleasant.

Last night was the way it is supposed to be this time of year. Normally, every night of the week, during our winter tourist season, should be like last night. All the drivers and many employees at various businesses and hotels have remarked recently about the larger than normal amount of Canadian guests. Since the exchange rate between the two "Dollars" is as close to par as it has been in over 30 years, many of our northern neighbors are taking advantage of this recent bonus and getting some sun this winter. Of course, those from areas east of Alberta still haven't grasped the concept of tipping as well as their western counterparts. That division line is also where the "eh" (east side) disappears (west side). The lack of the "eh" is particularly notable from residents of British Columbia under the age of 40. BC citizens also tend to use the harder US vowel enunciations while the people from the east typically have the softer UK style. Just one of those little things that I take note of during my nights.

TWO YEARS TO GO

At 12 noon EST today (UTC -5) we will have exactly 2 years left of the term of President Bush. I have shared a few opinions about him before but I have no intention of making this a political blog. I am, though, eagerly counting down the days.

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THE EFFICIENCY OF GOVERNMENT
anywhere

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MY BEAUTIFUL ALISSA

She loves to play for the camera. I wish she would explore her opportunities in modeling. I think she would be very popular, don't you?